Jumping, scrubbing, shopping...

OK, so remember the epidural post? Waiting for that picture got so painful by the end...

Now, waiting for the TA feels more like the last stages of a pregnancy, when you can't stand the big belly anymore (not that I've ever tried it, but I've heard!). At least, a pregnant woman can jump up and down, go shopping for a whole day, scrub her floor, etc... Hey, they even have shots to speed things up!

The one jumping up and down in the house is S, claiming every single night (and some mornings, when he's awake enough...) that we're going to China, that he's ready to go, that he's ready for that baby, etc. A lot of fun to watch, but not too effective: still no TA.

We changed the floor a few weeks ago, so no need to scrub it yet. All we have left is shopping and shots. Can a shot of tequila count? The shopping will be taken care of this week-end in North Conway... ;o)

Our agency is apparently still hopeful to be able to get us on a plane by Sept. 14th, as long as the TA's arrive by next Tuesday. I have a feeling that the reason they are so hopeful it will work is not because they want us to meet our babies as soons as possible, but because they must be getting tired of the constant phone calls from antsy, impatient, TA-waiting parents!

In the meantime, I'm still here at work in that building just north of The Bay. You know the one they thought might collapse last week, with that big crack that appeared and closed downtown Montreal at rush hour on a Friday afternoon? The one with the pieces falling off from? Just below my office window?...

If you walk by, please don't lean on the building.

Men! Part two...

Heard while preparing dinner...

S:
-So, did you pack ear plugs?
Me:
-No. Why?
S:
-Well, so that when she cries at night, we can still sleep.
Me:
-???

(But, to his credit, my man, the love of my life, added that we could take turns wearing them... Isn't he great? :o)

My brain has left the building.

Just as I was recovering a few brain cells this week, connecting neurons again and finally being able to get some meaningful work done, what do we hear? TA's have started to arrive!!!

My body is here, my heart is in Zhangshu, and my brain is thinking of plane tickets... Do I dare let myself dream of a departure in 3 weeks???

Men!

Upon seeing the packing picture last night, S commented:

-What? We have that much stuff???

Yes, sweetheart, man of my life.
I guess you haven't looked at your credit card statement lately... or taken a look at the upstair's room!

(And by the way, NOT EVERYTHING is coming to China!!!)

Filling a space, not a hole

As I was watching a movie tonight -with my eyes often wandering up to Yummy's picture- I started thinking (my brain might be coming back! yay!)... I was wondering why I'm not a total wreck yet, why I'm not worrying about the TA's arriving, not worrying about leaving for China on September 14th or on October 5th (as there is a national holiday and it will be one or the other). I was thinking about the boards on RQ, and all the people who are next and how hard those last few weeks of waiting are. Don't get me wrong: I hated those last weeks! But The Wait, as long as it was, was never really too painful, except maybe for that awful 2-day referral batch a few months ago. And I started to wonder why I wasn't more impatient, why the craving for my baby was still such a soft and tender feeling.

The answer came pretty quickly: it's because Yummy will come and fulfill a space we made for her in our lives, not a hole. I've always wanted children, but also I've always known that I didn't "need" one. Over the years, and after being single for so long, I've learned to take care of my own needs. Then, I've learned to take care of mine and somebody else's. And together, we quickly decided that we wanted to add to our equation. At 41, I've spent more than enough time on myself, and I'm now ready to shift my focus towards the cutest baby ever. So even though I absolutely can't wait to board that plane, and ever more to land in Nanchang, even though I've started packing, this part of The Wait is not at all unpleasant. I still delight in looking at her picture, in staring at her eyes, in knowing that yes, it's her.

And I also know that by next week, that zen-like state might be completely shattered and I'll be moaning for my TA to arrive... Bring it on! The packing has begun! :o)

In awe...

Last Friday, I met with a very special mom who gave me a stroller that her (absolutely gorgeous) daughters didn't need anymore. It was one of those encounters that stay with you for a long long time...

I knew from the beginning that this adoption adventure would definitely be the path less travelled. I knew this whole process would bring a child into our lives. I could have never guessed that it would bring me so much more than that, I didn't know was how amazingly special the people I would meet on that path would be. I am in absolute awe about all the adoptive parents I've talked to, written to, met and, for some, had lots of wine with... I'm in awe of their generosity, of their kindness, of their support, of how caring and helpful and open they have been. Just in awe...

I mean, adoption is a pretty intimate thing to discuss, especially the reasons leading up to it. And yet, last Friday afternoon, it was so easy to talk about it all with someone who a half hour before was still a stranger... It was safe, it was recognized, it was accepted for what it is. Connections like that one have happened quite a few times since we started the process, and I have received them as priceless gifts.

Like just about any adoptive parent from China, I've read about the red thread legend. I don't really believe in it, I think it's much more that a thread: it's a whole big pile of red wool!

To all of you who have written, who I have met, who have shared and received and given and offered time, help, support and goodies: thank you! You all have made a big difference in my life, and hopefully helped me become a better person myself. Please take this personally, because that's exactly how I mean it.

(And D, your daughters are lucky too! ;o)

Don't try this at home

You might miss out the TV shows.



(For those who have been there and done it, does your brain ever come come back??? 'cause mine is quite mush right now...)





(And I'm not sure I want it back!)





:o)

Coming back to reality... what reality???

Well, we had a great week-end on Cloud Nine and in Maine. It's amazing how 3 small pictures can change your life so completely...

Besides the pictures, we also got her medical and developmental report. It was all done last April. The OT in me was quite happy to see that at 4 months, she was playing with a rattle, loved going outside in her nanny's arms, and was already afraid of strangers: good, it means she has attached to someone! Also, she was 3.5 kg at birth, and 6 kg on the pictures, which put her on the 50th percentile for chinese baby girls. Height was 25th percentile, and head circumference was 90th, so it all looks good so far!

We couldn't quite figure out if she is at the orphanage or in foster care, because the report talks about her nanny and her foster mother. It could be something that was lost in the translation. I guess we'll find out when we get her.

So, since Friday at 3PM, my brain has basically been invaded by a very soft, very sweet pink fog that just won't go away. Hence the lack of blogging in the last few days, because all I could think about was:

-I'm a mom!
-She's so cute!
-She'll have a great dad... :o)
-Finally!
-How did we get so lucky?
-She's gorgeous!
-Yes, this is her.
-I'm a mom...
-When do we get her again?
-What do you mean, more paperwork?...
-She is definitely the cutest, no contest here.
-Oh my God, I'm a mom!!!
-Where is she? I haven't seen her in 10 minutes!
-We're going to China!
-Should start packing...
-My baby!!!!!
-How much has she grown?
-She is just too cute!

Yadayadayada, etc, etc, etc...

I'm sure it gets boring if you're not me.

Soooooo... Can't work, can't think, can't really function with any efficiency whatsoever. It's taking me a huge amount of energy to work for 15 minutes straight, and it's not because of lack of things to do. I have a million things to finish before I leave, but all of a sudden, nothing but my baby seems important anymore. My job has always been so important to me, such a big part of my life, but now, I just want to go and get that baby and bring her back and give her time and love and care and support and whatever else she might need to grow up as a healthy child and adult who can change things for the better.

Funny how your whole sense of reality, and of what really matters, can change so quickly, even if you have been waiting for so long...

OK, off to look at some pictures! :o)))

Introducing...

Yummy Goodness!!!

No time for a big rambling about how extatic, overjoyed, thrilled, excited, and in love we are: we're off to celebrate with a camping week-end by the ocean!

Details next week...

Ta-Tah!

Stay tuned! :o)

Just got a call: the file and pictures will be ready at 3PM!!! Wou-hooouuuu!!!

(Guess who will be lining up at the door at 2h45?...)

We might have time to scan the pictures before leaving for a week-end at the ocean.

Stay tuned!

Still no news...

Need I say more?...

Epidural

Relax.


There's a half bottle left.


Anybody wants some?

Expecting

Well, somebody is taking their sweet time reviewing the babies' files!!!

Still no news, still waiting.

Eating choclate to numb the pain.

One more hour until the agency closes.

The liquor store closes later...

Where's my epidural?

Not expecting

No...

We are not expecting pictures today.
Nope. Nada. Niet. Wú. Nein.

Just like we were not expecting our referral last Thursday.
Nope. Nada. Niet. Wú. Nein.

...

OK, this isn't funny anymore.

...

I want to see my baby!!!

Macgyver's Mom

So, what are you supposed to do when you're waiting for your child's picture, once the champagne bottle is empty? You get your husband to replace the dining room carpet and kitchen floor with brand new flooring! Because, in a rare moment of extreme enlightenment, you both realized that carpet and baby food are not such a good mix. And since we are now getting an actual baby, it was time to put these 18 boxes of flooring we hauled up 3 floors a few weeks ago to good use!




















We got two nice breaks (well, S did: I was just washing baby clothes...). On Saturday night, we went to the Bell Center, to the Ste-Justine's pediatric hospital "end of fund-raising" private show, for patients and employees. Celine Dion (fund-raiser's spokeperson) and Cirque du Soleil were performing, along with a bunch of other people. I don't normally cry at shows, I don't cry at all for Celine Dion, but I must admit, with all the children's references, with Celine's performance, with Bai Xiang on my mind ALL THE TIME, it was all I had not to start bawling my eyes out a few times... Great show, great performances! And a really fun ending when, after everything was over, they threw about 50 giant beach balls that bounced all over the crowd for the kids to take home.

On Sunday, Mortimer's Mom invited us over for BB's birthday party. We got to meet some very, very nice people, and BB recognized me, which was MY gift for the day! :o)

As we were about to leave, the door to the backyard came off its hinge. Or rather, the hinge came off the beam supporting it. Now, this is a big door, about 6 feet tall. Before the door touched the ground, Mortimer's Mom got the drill and some new screws, flipped the door upside down, and put it back on the other side!!! I counted one man holding the door and 4-5 watching...

Just like I said: Macgyver's Mom! I tried to get her to come home with us and help with the floor, but you know, with the (amazingly cute and bright and charming) kids and all...

OK, I'm ready for my baby's pictures now.

The sweetest day...

Whew! What a day yesterday was! It started kind of slow rumour-wise, and then everything started happening at light speed! First, a Spanish agency posted that referrals had gone through to Nov. 21st, and were congratulating families. They wouldn't lie to their clients, would they??? That meant we would get our referral too! Soon after, we got the confirmation that we would indeed get it. But we also had the information that our agency was more likely to call on Monday, so we were prepared for a very looooooooong week-end.

Then my cell phone rang...

Her name is Zhang Bai Xiang, and she's 7 months old!
We were hoping for a young baby, but THAT was a surprise! She was born Dec. 24th, 2006, and is from Jiangxi. We are getting the pictures and file sometime late next week. Agency's policy... :o(

After lots of tears and hugs and phone calls to friends and family, we came back home, popped open the champagne, and made more calls!

I'm still trying to name all the emotions of the day... Excitement, joy, happiness, love, thankfulness, relief, surprise, tenderness, peacefulness, and quite a few more that I haven't found names for yet... I'll let you know when I do...

I woke up way too early (let's call it jet-lag training...), with the sweetest, most tender joy and happiness ever. I just stayed in bed, and let the emotions flow. What a high...

Mom

Yup!

Details to follow...

:o)

OMG! This is it!!!

From all the rumours going on, even without an official confirmation, it looks like we'll be getting our referral in the next few days!

I can't believe it... And I can't even begin to list all the emotions right now! I'll try when I get myself together again...

What a ride!!!

Breathing...

... barely...

From RQ:

A European agency is saying that the cut off is the 21st and that they have been mailed.
I may change my mind later today, but for now I’m giving this one an R3½.

Breathe in... breathe out... breath in... breath out... pant a bit... yeah, that's it!

And I'm supposed to work??? Who has ever worked through labor?!?!?