4!

I'm still alive...

The last 10 days are kind of a blur: having had to work during the few "off" moments of the day, that doesn't leave much time for blogging! Especially when the little one can't resist coming over and touching the keys as soon a she sees the laptop open, having desperate and angry fits if I take it away from her...

She's napping now (YAY!), and I'm happy to report that we have a new record: 4 good nights in a row! Oh, a few wakings here and there, a few typical crisis at naptime or bedtime, but no 2-hour rave in the middle of the night. Bye-bye guest bed by her room, helloooo bedroom monitor! And after 4 months, helloooo sleeping in the same bed as my husband again! :o)

What did we do to get there? Not so much, really. Or maybe enough, I don't know. The one big change has been the lullabies softly playing non-stop in her room during sleep, a real effort at trying to keep a nap and sleep schedule, and lots and lots of floor time with her during the day (hence no blogging...).

I can now see myself soon finally able to think and talk about something else than sleep! It had gotten so bad for me, I was anxious right from the morning when I knew it was my turn to do the night. Anxious and inadequate and tired and depressed... and boring. After a particularly bad night last week, when I ended crying more than Yummy, S took over the night watch and gave me several nights of rest in a row. Oh, the healing power of sleep! And the healing power of a great husband... I seriously don't know how single women do it. And I can't believe I was naive enough to briefly consider doing this on my own some time before I met S!

We know we're not our of the woods yet, but hope is back in our lives! I can very well live with 1-2 short wakings a night.

Oh, and somebody has been having too much fun in the staircase, and earned herself a nice fence this week. She's obviously not too thrilled about the prize... ;o)

Adults!

Up until tonight, I had never quite realized what a joy it is to talk with adults! After the week we've just had, and the last 3 months of my world revolving around the most amazing little girl, it was like a breath of fresh air to go out tonight, and have dinner with some good friends! S understood how much I needed the change of scenery, how much I craved that kind of conversation, and he took care of Yummy during the whole dinner. I was free to talk, laugh, and drink, knowing The Best Husband was taking care of me by taking care of our daughter. And would drive both of us home safely.

I'm going to sleep tonight a happy, thankful (and slightly drunk) woman.

Yanked off my island...

I've left my little denial island. It seems like the real freak accidents were the 2 full nights last week...

Yummy has been up from about 1 to 4 AM every single night this week. Oh, we can get her back to sleep, but as soon as we leave the room, bang! She's wide awake and screaming. Even if she has been sleeping for over 30 minutes: S tried last night. She has to feel a hand, or a very close proximity. And she basically refuses to nap unless she's about to collapse from exhaustion. Yesterday, at 1PM, she had only slept 3 hours since 1 AM the night before, and I finally got her to nap for a bit over an hour. Needless to say, we are dealing with a needy, clingy, cranky baby these days...

For three nights, we tried letting her cry, going in every 5-10 minutes (yeah, I know, weren't supposed to because she's adopted and all. But she had been crying without any tears whatsoever, the kind of cry that's hard to take too seriously). She never fell asleep in less than 1h30 during that "experiment". So two nights ago, we decided to go back to the "no cry" way, with the result that she's up for 3 hours instead. And the added bonus that she totally freaked out when S put her in the crib last night, and took 45 minutes to calm down. Some will say it serves us right...

After looking at our (limited) options, we decided to give co-sleeping a try last night, in the guest bed right outside her room: not good! S was doing the night shift, and he said that she got all excited and thought it was play time, as when we stay in her room during those hours, she'll simply let herself be picked up and rocked, and stays quiet in our arms, looking at us.

I did the count, we spend 5-6 hours a day trying to get her to sleep 8-9 hours a day... not good... We don't know what to do or how to do things better. When not in my arms, she's within 5 feet of me ALL DAY LONG! I can't leave the room without her crying anymore, unless she's with dad, when I used to be able to leave for a minute or two and she would be fine. If we leave the house, it's only for an hour or two in the afternoon, in the baby backpack or in the stroller facing me.

This is starting to take a big toll on everything, as we don't see the end of it, or even a glimmer of hope. There have been lots of tears, and not just baby ones. Let's just say that we couldn't quite be the poster parents for adoption these days...

BUT! We are not giving up! Oh no baby! There is now a mattress on the floor in her room, some lullaby music on repeat on the iPod, sent by a lovely member of my support crew, and a little glimmer of hope after two naps without fuss today!


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Last year, in April, I went to Paris alone for a week, to visit, walk, rest, and hang out in cool cafes. I had found a fantastic little hotel, two-star-that-maybe-could-be-three, right in the middle of everything. Sunny skies and temperature in the upper 70's all week. It was one of my best vacation ever, and definitely the best alone! Let's just say I've been longing to be back really, really badly lately...

The view from my room














The view, but sadly, not from my room...