Red

4!

2008-02-13T07:51:00.000-08:00

I'm still alive...

The last 10 days are kind of a blur: having had to work during the few "off" moments of the day, that doesn't leave much time for blogging! Especially when the little one can't resist coming over and touching the keys as soon a she sees the laptop open, having desperate and angry fits if I take it away from her...

She's napping now (YAY!), and I'm happy to report that we have a new record: 4 good nights in a row! Oh, a few wakings here and there, a few typical crisis at naptime or bedtime, but no 2-hour rave in the middle of the night. Bye-bye guest bed by her room, helloooo bedroom monitor! And after 4 months, helloooo sleeping in the same bed as my husband again! :o)

What did we do to get there? Not so much, really. Or maybe enough, I don't know. The one big change has been the lullabies softly playing non-stop in her room during sleep, a real effort at trying to keep a nap and sleep schedule, and lots and lots of floor time with her during the day (hence no blogging...).

I can now see myself soon finally able to think and talk about something else than sleep! It had gotten so bad for me, I was anxious right from the morning when I knew it was my turn to do the night. Anxious and inadequate and tired and depressed... and boring. After a particularly bad night last week, when I ended crying more than Yummy, S took over the night watch and gave me several nights of rest in a row. Oh, the healing power of sleep! And the healing power of a great husband... I seriously don't know how single women do it. And I can't believe I was naive enough to briefly consider doing this on my own some time before I met S!

We know we're not our of the woods yet, but hope is back in our lives! I can very well live with 1-2 short wakings a night.

Oh, and somebody has been having too much fun in the staircase, and earned herself a nice fence this week. She's obviously not too thrilled about the prize... ;o)

Adults!

2008-02-02T19:50:00.000-08:00

Up until tonight, I had never quite realized what a joy it is to talk with adults! After the week we've just had, and the last 3 months of my world revolving around the most amazing little girl, it was like a breath of fresh air to go out tonight, and have dinner with some good friends! S understood how much I needed the change of scenery, how much I craved that kind of conversation, and he took care of Yummy during the whole dinner. I was free to talk, laugh, and drink, knowing The Best Husband was taking care of me by taking care of our daughter. And would drive both of us home safely.

I'm going to sleep tonight a happy, thankful (and slightly drunk) woman.

Yanked off my island...

2008-02-01T04:18:00.000-08:00

I've left my little denial island. It seems like the real freak accidents were the 2 full nights last week...

Yummy has been up from about 1 to 4 AM every single night this week. Oh, we can get her back to sleep, but as soon as we leave the room, bang! She's wide awake and screaming. Even if she has been sleeping for over 30 minutes: S tried last night. She has to feel a hand, or a very close proximity. And she basically refuses to nap unless she's about to collapse from exhaustion. Yesterday, at 1PM, she had only slept 3 hours since 1 AM the night before, and I finally got her to nap for a bit over an hour. Needless to say, we are dealing with a needy, clingy, cranky baby these days...

For three nights, we tried letting her cry, going in every 5-10 minutes (yeah, I know, weren't supposed to because she's adopted and all. But she had been crying without any tears whatsoever, the kind of cry that's hard to take too seriously). She never fell asleep in less than 1h30 during that "experiment". So two nights ago, we decided to go back to the "no cry" way, with the result that she's up for 3 hours instead. And the added bonus that she totally freaked out when S put her in the crib last night, and took 45 minutes to calm down. Some will say it serves us right...

After looking at our (limited) options, we decided to give co-sleeping a try last night, in the guest bed right outside her room: not good! S was doing the night shift, and he said that she got all excited and thought it was play time, as when we stay in her room during those hours, she'll simply let herself be picked up and rocked, and stays quiet in our arms, looking at us.

I did the count, we spend 5-6 hours a day trying to get her to sleep 8-9 hours a day... not good... We don't know what to do or how to do things better. When not in my arms, she's within 5 feet of me ALL DAY LONG! I can't leave the room without her crying anymore, unless she's with dad, when I used to be able to leave for a minute or two and she would be fine. If we leave the house, it's only for an hour or two in the afternoon, in the baby backpack or in the stroller facing me.

This is starting to take a big toll on everything, as we don't see the end of it, or even a glimmer of hope. There have been lots of tears, and not just baby ones. Let's just say that we couldn't quite be the poster parents for adoption these days...

BUT! We are not giving up! Oh no baby! There is now a mattress on the floor in her room, some lullaby music on repeat on the iPod, sent by a lovely member of my support crew, and a little glimmer of hope after two naps without fuss today!

**********

Last year, in April, I went to Paris alone for a week, to visit, walk, rest, and hang out in cool cafes. I had found a fantastic little hotel, two-star-that-maybe-could-be-three, right in the middle of everything. Sunny skies and temperature in the upper 70's all week. It was one of my best vacation ever, and definitely the best alone! Let's just say I've been longing to be back really, really badly lately...

The view from my room

The view, but sadly, not from my room...

Back to square 1 (AM...)

2008-01-28T17:01:00.000-08:00

So, it must have been a freak accident that she was up from 1h45 to 3h30 last night, right?*** That every time I thought I had gotten her back to sleep, she heard my head turn longingly towards the door (I swear!) and promptly woke up with a jolt and a scream?

I suspect that biological clock thing also has to do with the fact that it's much easier to skip a night's sleep early on in your life than in your 40's...

That whole sleeping thing has me more and more puzzled as time goes by. It seems like she NEEDS to cry to finally be able to fall asleep. For example, she was obviously tired this afternoon at nap time. I rocked her for over a half hour: she was NOT closing her eyes, even if she was quiet. I put her in the crib (oh, the insult!), left the room for a few minutes, came back and picked her up: she immediately stopped howling, settled in my arms and fell asleep in about 2 minutes. As if she understood I meant business... And if by exception she goes to sleep without a peep at night, she'll tend to wake up more often during the night.

For those of you who offered to exchange e-mail and ideas, I'll do it soon, I promise!

Daddy is on duty tonight. I'll be unconscious in about 25 minutes.

Being so cute is an essential survival skill at 2AM...
(The funny part is that the pigtails stayed up even after I took off the little clips! :o)

*** I'm quite happy in my little denial island here.
Please don't take me away from it.
Thank you.

Zero!

2008-01-26T05:02:00.000-08:00

I had to tell the world and my 7 readers: I didn't get up once last night!!!

Yummy woke up twice crying, and fell back asleep before I woke up enough to get out of bed. I've never been so thrilled to crash back into my pillow... :o)

Just a little smoke

2008-01-25T05:37:00.000-08:00

So, I'm still fuming over that phone call from last week... Oh, it's just a little smoke now, but I still think that the way that person interacted with me doesn't deserve the word "professional". She might be one of the most knowledgeable people in adoption, but the way she talked and related to me was a (huge) bit too self-righteous for my taste . When you call someone because you're in need of help, you're exhausted and you're crying most nights, them blaming you for just about eveything you did or didn't do, without any kind of acceptable assessment, will NOT promote a good relationship, no matter how good the resource is. Knowledge without communication skills, and that includes real listening, is absolutely useless. It's not the client's responsibility to make sense of the blame. The social worker's Code of ethics is quite clear on that matter:

A social worker must do everything in his power to establish a relationship of trust between himself and his client. To this end, the social worker must, in particular a) refrain from practising his profession in an impersonal manner, b) respect, in all his interventions, the values and convictions of his client.

A social worker must not make an assessment of his client's situation and must not perform any acts involving him unless he has sufficient data to judge the situation clearly and to act with a minimum of efficiency in the interest of his client.

The only good thing that phone all did was to encourage us to be even more watchful of the effets of what we do or don't do with Yummy. Ove the last week, we've only had 2 nights with long wakings, and curiously, they both happened after days when Yummy didn't leave the hous. The other nights were more "normal", with 2-4 short wakings. The problem really seem to be that she is now so used to falling asleep with one of us touching her that she can't do it on her own on a regular basis. And last night, she was up for an hour and a half, wide awake. If Dad left the room, she would get up, scream and cry, but there was no tears, no sweating, and no distress whenever he came back in the room, as she would then stop. Now THAT looks more to me like a little manipulation than a reaction to a trauma!

So our baby turned 13 months yesterday. It's just amazing how far she has come since we first met her last October!

She is now crawling all over and taking a few wobbly steps on her own. Books are still her favorite toys, she now "reads" them with the right side up, and is pointing and "naming" images more and more. She's even doing the sounds of some animals she recognizes! She's using 5-6 signs, and saying 5-6 words, and babbling a whole lot of other ones we don't understand.

But most amazingly, she just started to really cuddle up to me. She was doing it before, but only for a few seconds at a time, mostly her own terms. And I recently noticed that she almost always used her arm to keep a distance whenever I picked her up facing me, even when she had just hurt herself, or was calling for me. So, we've been working on that, dancing to music around the living room, which she adores, and "accidentaly" pulling her close to me. And yesterday, she looked like she suddenly allowed herself to actually enjoy cuddling up to me, getting close and resting her head on my shoulder for much longer periods of time, patting my arm. That was worth many, many sleepless nights...

Well, THAT felt good...

2008-01-17T07:50:00.000-08:00

Not.

This morning, I finally spoke to the person who was supposed to be our big help with the sleep issues. Now, I feel like everything we've been doing has been wrong.

The conversation went a bit like this:

Me: So, we've been having sleep problems with Yummy, and they seem to have gotten worse in the last month (then explaining the problems).
Her: Well, it's obvious she's having anxiety issues. Do you know if she was in the orphanage or with a foster family?
Me: No, despite a few attemps, we were never able to find out in China and her paperwork wasn't clear on that.
Her: Oh... (The kind of "oh" strategically followed by a silence that very clearly tells you you haven't tried enough...)

And then:

Her: Well, you need to create a routine, make her world almost boring, very predictable, stop going out with her, so that she comes to rely entirely on you for everything. Don't let her hold her bottle (she never has), make sure to feed her yourself (feeding a one year old when she wants to feed herself? Can you say "war"??? which is the very last thing that should happen with feeding...), make her become completely dependant on you. You have to create a symbiotic relationship.

(Those weren't her exact words, but it was close. And with more sentences.)

She then proceeded to tell me that:

We shouldn't really leave the house if possible (before asking me to go meet her with Yummy in a few weeks...).
A family she knows did the cocooning thing for 8 months before sleep was settled. And then started going out to dinner with their child, who totally freaked out, meaning it obviously wasn't long enough (huh??? couldn't it be that by then, she was terrorized of change and strangers?).
Since Yummy now takes 2 naps a day, one of them way too late in her opinion, we should cut it down to one, in the hope that tiredness would make her sleep better at night (OK, I'm buying the anxiety thing no problem, it even makes sense. I'm good. Won't let her cry anymore. But we are going to solve the sleep issues by making her tired??? Her answer was that we are in a trial and error period...).
When I told her how well her development is going, considering everything, she said great, but that we should absolutely not stimulate her to learn, as she has to regress first. I was basically told that she's doing too much in the development area. And I have the feeling that if there would have been a delay, I would have been refered to professional developmental help...
The one that puzzled me most: I talked about the fact that co-sleeping wasn't really an option, as Yummy tends to get worked up, and play with me, or the bed sheets, instead of fall asleep. Her answer? Well, it's obvious she is not ready for co-sleeping: the proximity makes her anxious. (It that why she's coming to us more and more for hugs during the daytime? Is that why being picked up is still one of her favorite things and way to travel (that we are quite happy to indulge)?...)

As a health care professional myself, I hope I never made any mom feel like that, as I was always trying to make them feel good about their child, looking for the positive. But I'm sure that at some point, without realizing it, I did make some feel like crappy moms. And I so wish I could apologize to all of them.

I have to give it to her, the poor lady was quite patient though, as I'm sure I've been put into the "annoying mom" category that health care workers tend to create. The moms who ask a lot of questions, and will pick up on the contradictions. The moms who don't agree with everything. I stayed patient, and polite, but if someone tell me I'm doing something wrong, I expect them to tell me how to make it right, not say "let's try different things and see" or support their argument by giving me "convincing" examples of horror stories from other families who might have had an entirely different situation.

A big question stays unanswered, and if anyone has an idea, please let me know. Why is it that for a bio kid showing all the same problems (I think 90% of our friends with kids told us they had gone through the exact same phases), it's a normal behavior, and for an adopted kid, it's interpreted entirely differently? I'm not saying I don't believe there's been a trauma, because there has certainly been more than one, which I unfortunately will never fully know or understand. And for whatever reason, that phone call really helped me believe that we can't let her cry yet. But are we "over-diagnosing" our adopted children? Is it really the right thing to keep my baby from learning, from being proud of herself, from showing her to communicate and lower her frustration in the hope that she'll bond quicker with us? I'm really not sure...

I still have 9 months off, and a new goal: research the research on all this! I really, really want to know, and do what's best for my baby. And if that means challenging what people say, so be it. Hey, the psychologist who did our homestudy basically had 2 advices: to take and hold her together when we first met her (yeah, right... when everything happens so fast!) and to remind her that she's chinese while we rock her, saying "my beautiful chinese baby"... Not a word on sleep problems. Or any other problem for that matter. Needless to say, we're thinking of asking for another one for the 6-month evaluation.

Back to my topic... Fortunately, I still have access to a medical library, and all the resources that come with it. I'll see what I can find, and I'll keep you posted...

In the meantime, I'll listen very carefully to what anyone with any knowledge and experience has to tell me. And try not to let them make me feel like a crappy mom. And then, I'll do what I think is best for my child, for her to grow into a happy, strong, skilled, confident woman.

*****

Mea Culpa

I finished this post while Yummy happily ate her green beans ON HER OWN besides me. Bad mommy. But I redeemed myself by feeding her some food MYSELF from my plate. Do I break even?...

The new normal. Or is it?

2008-01-16T16:33:00.001-08:00

Still slowly getting back into a rythm after the holidays...

Is it just me, or will caring for a baby, as cute as she can be, slowly lowers your IQ? I miss using my brain!!! After 3 months, it feels like the real adjustment to this new life as a stay-at-home mom is happening now. Right when Yummy decided that sleeping at night, especially between 2 and 5 AM is optional... Everything now revolves around her naps, and trying to maintain a schedule. Not easy. And cabin fever has set in.

Oh, we went away to Maine and New Hampshire last week-end, but since she was up from 2 AM to 6 AM the first night, and I ended up with about 2 hours of sleep, I couldn't enjoy my time away as much as I would have liked. I'm sooooo thankful we were with amazing, understanding friends... who had brought fantastic wine... S did the second night, as I passed out for 9 hours straight, amid the noise of the others staying up, without ever moving in my sleep. At least, the fever has somewhat gone down!

First time in ski boots! :o)))

Having fun during the prize draw during happy hour at the ski center
(picture taken by Daddy with his new toy... ;o)

So yeah... tired... brain dead... not feeling like writing... That's why I've been neglecting to come here lately: I feel like I have nothing to say. And yet, so much is happening, right in front of my eyes!

My baby, who couldn't sit on her own very well when we first met her 3 months ago, is now crawling all over, and walking holding on to furniture. She understands so much, and is starting to "talk" and say words, using 2 signs together ("more"+"eat"), pointing to body parts, doing animal sounds on demand, learning a new sign in a matter of minutes, learning to feed herself with a spoon. She loves books, and has started to turn them over when they are upside down, with specific sounds for specific images. She has started some pretend play, using all kinds of things as a telephone and babbling into it. And she has started to test limits, which is actually quite funny: if she does something and I say "no", shaking my head, she'll do it again, look at me, then shake her head. It's hard not to laugh!

I worked as an OT with developmentaly delayed kids for 18 years, and I find all of that to be quite fast. The charts we used might have been generous. Why am I so in awe? Isn't it just what normal kids do? Anyone?...

Oh, and the sweetest: she's coming to me more and more for a cuddle during the day, is laughing much more easily, and is showing more and more real attachment towards us.

So, she's doing unbelievably well. By daytime that is... Too bad the seleeping is getting worse with time, not better. I've tried co-sleeping again: that's now a definite no-no! She gets way too excited, scratches the sheets, kicks me... We've been told over and over again not to let her cry. Fine. But now, she can basically only fall asleep in our arms, or after we've patted her cute little butt for what seems like hours in her crib. She used to go right back to sleep when she woke up crying for her rag: for us, it was 10 seconds, in and out of her room, give it back to her, quickly go back to sleep, yay! Those were the good days, and we didn't know it. Even jetlag was easier! Now, getting out of her room when she seems to be sleeping is like crossing a minefield with giant shoes on. And one person who could help us is simply not returning my calls... So much for our great, free healthcare system. She won't even call to give me private resources I would be willing to pay for!

Interestingly, the only good nights we've had in the last month have been those rigth after a few nights away... Maybe we need a cottage...

************

What exactly do you mean, sleep?...

No way!

I'll just be cute instead...

Remember me?

2008-01-10T12:16:00.000-08:00

So, I took a little holiday from blogging... Hello! I'm back! No excuses, just laziness. Or maybe exhaustion from lack of sleep. Or lack of mental exercise... Whatever.

We had a wonderful holiday, and it was great for Yummy and me to have Dad at home for two whole weeks! She looked like she was actually really enjoying having both of us with her. She did pretty good with all the changes in schedule that came with Christmas and New Year's, and we've discovered that as long as we are with her, she doesn't really get fussy even 2 hours past her bedtime. We went to Quebec City for 3 nights at Christmas, and that felt like a real vacation, even if she woke up a bit more often at night. We think it was partly due to the new environment, partly because she's a bit tight in her pack'n play. (Do they make these things in bigger sizes???) After that trip, we saw a glorious light of hope, and heard angels sing as she slept for 3 nights straight without really waking-up. Pure bliss!

And then it got bad. Really bad, even though I'm sure somehow it could be worse: waking-up every 30-60 minutes, and taking up to 3 hours to go back to sleep. Do the maths... Even taking her to bed with me didn't work, so that idea is now gone for good, at least at home. It's hard to figure out what she needs, as sometimes she'll fall asleep on her own, sometimes she needs one of us to touch and softly rock her in her crib, and sometimes she needs to be held. I've rocked her in the rocking chair for an hour in the middle of the night, until I was absolutely convinced she was asleep just to have her spring to life, pop her yes wide open and scream and cry when I so very delicately put her back to bed. The girl can get angry! But comes morning, she's all smiles, often waking up very calmly and happily babbling in her bed before calling for us.

Friends with bio kids tell us that it's all normal behavior, and go "oh yeah" when we tell them about the situation. I guess the only ones Yummy is impressing is poor us, naive first time parents... Still, I'm glad I don't have to go to work: I would have to buy Advil by the pound. At the same time, I kinda miss using my brain for something other than finding out what the dog does, where my nose is or meal planning for a baby who lives off meat. I had a meeting for a private contract this morning, and boy did it feel good to wear real clothes, boots with heels, carry a real purse, and analyze and problem-solve!

And then the squeals of delight from the high chair when I came home brought me right back to the really important stuff... :o)

What else is new? Let's see... Yummy is growing way too fast. She now crawls everywhere, goes up and down a step we have to the living room, stands up wherever she can, cruises holding on to furniture, babbles with the cutest and sweetest sounds, makes sounds that actually sound like words, including her own name,knows a few body parts and a few animal sounds, has started to test limits, blows kisses, waves bye-bye, cuddles up to us, does amazingly well in the car, has started to use 2 signs together ("more" and "food"), often believes vegetables are poisonous, absolutely loves looking at her books and makes the sounds of the animals she recognizes on the pictures, loves going outside and feel the wind on her face, and is in a "I love spitting" phase...

Since the Quebec City trip went well enough, we've decided to be bold again this week-end, and go visit friends in Maine, and attend a telemark (we'll be skiing, not phoning people...) festival in Wildcat, NH on Saturday. I have a severe case of cabin fever, and so does S, to a less extent. We figured that the nights are already short enough here, it won't make a huge difference elsewhere. And if need be, we can always try to take her to bed with us. So even if we never sleep again, I'm still going to call it a mental health week-end. We're going!

Here a few pictures from the holidays:

On a walk on Mont-Royal on New Year's Eve

New Year's morning, joining us in bed: it doesn't really get much better than that... :o)

Getting into the recycling: I sense some door locks coming up...

Being cute and silly at mealtime

My gorgeous baby...

Happy Holidays!

2007-12-26T07:38:00.000-08:00

So, it's already the 26th... Merry belated Christmas to all!

What a difference a baby makes on Christmas... This was definitely the busiest, sweetest, happiest, most fullfilling, most chaotic Christmas ever! Heck, I'm a mom!!! THAT is still sinking in... Even after preparing Christmas Eve dinner with a baby hanging to my pants, which was definitely a challenge. And sipping champagne on Christmas night with a hyper, curious, determined overtired little one was definitely not the same... Still, I wouldn't change anything! October 8th was the day I received the best present ever.

Yummy turned one year old on Chrismas Eve, and decided to offer us a good night sleep. Hurrah! She's also officially entered the toddler phase, with a few (small) tantrums when refused something, and a definite mind of her own. We've got new challenges ahead! :o)

We're in Quebec City right now, for a few days at my father in-law's. Hello walks in Old Quebec and on the Plains of Abraham! And hello good wines, foie gras (we're French, it's not illegal here...) and relaxed afternoons.

Enjoy the holidays!

Survivor China

2007-12-20T06:25:00.000-08:00

So, she went to sleep without a peep last night, even if she was having tons of fun 15 minutes before. I knew it was too good to be true...

Comes 3 AM. Mwaaah! Mwaaah!

Get up.
Give her a rag.
Go back to bed.

Mwaaah! Mwaaah!

Huh? What now? She usually goes right back to sleep!

Well, she didn't this time. Just stayed awake. And had to be in my arms. No play, no interaction, no trying to get my attention. Just wanted to be in my arms...

So, I rocked her standing, the usually most efficient way to calm her down. For a good hour... She still had her eyes wide open and the screams ready to go if I so much as put her down in her crib, thinking she had finally dozed off. My arms were hurting so bad, I started thinking about that challenge they had on Survivor once, where they had to hang on to a big pole with a bear-like hug until they collapsed. But it's now 4h30 AM and I can't do this much longer!

So, I bought myself a little immunity: I took her to bed with me.

She was out in 5 minutes flat.

And the smile this morning when she saw me! As if I had given her the world.

Got to do some serious rethinking here...

The "S" post

2007-12-18T08:45:00.000-08:00

Sleep

The one nap a day seems to be helping going to sleep: no big crisis in the last few days! Yay!
And I only had to get up ONCE last night! At 2h30 AM. I can definitely live with once...

Afternoon update: OK, maybe a little crisis here and there...

Snow

Sooooo much snow outside! And of course, this is THE year we won't ski as much... :o(((
I went for a walk yesterday and today, with Yummy in the backpack as they have yet top clean the sidewalks here: I had never seen such big snowbanks in Montreal! It's crazy! We walked on a bike path that also serves as a sidewalk (which was thankfully cleaned), and the snowbanks were up to my hips!

After Sunday's storm, my poor car was buried, and we had to move it this morning: the snowsuit went over the pyjamas, and we sat Yummy in a snowbank while we shovelled. She was fine, and got a treat after, as I took her for some wild spins in the in the small sleigh we got her. Even with the mitts and the 3 layers of clothing, she managed to sign "more" and "more" and "more"!

Afternoon update: we got the car out for NOTHING: there was no snowplow in sight all day! And S couldn't even leave the island this morning, the traffic was just too horrendous! This is getting ridiculous: if there was an emergency, an ambulance couldn't even make it here, as there is only one way in or out...

Sweet

She has recently started to cuddle up to us when we say "collé-collé", and is doing it more lately. THAT is worth many, many sleepless nights... :o)))

Sugar

Got to write down the recipe for the cookies I'm taking to my very first cookie party tonight! We'll even get to taste them all: let the holiday weight gain begin early this year! :o)

For years now, I've been making the family recipes, doubling and tripling everything to give boxes to everyone. I started it the year my mom decided she had done enough, which I think was back in 87 or 88... So I made this one kind, thinking that it was a great idea to make just one and exchange. But now, I'm thinking I might make a few of the most "famous" ones... Single recipes...

Smiles

There has been so much more of those in our house since we came back from China! Oh, we had a great life "before baby", but now, she just cracks us up with everything she does, and the sometimes overwhelming cuteness she shows... Love it!

One of her cute things now is to go "wouf" whenever she sees a dog, stuffed, in a picture, or real. She actually does it with the cats too... Too cute! We were at the grocery store this afternoon, her in the backpack, and I suddenly heard "wouf-wouf": there was a huge display of stuffed dogs! There was a mini-meltdown when I walked away towards the cashiers...

Standing

That all we want to do... Stand-stand-stand!!! In the living room hanging on to the couch, in the kitchen hanging on to my legs, in the dining room hanging on to the table leg, in the bathtub hanging on for dear life, it doesn't matter... Standing rules! We've had our first tumbles... and she still doesn't really crawl efficiently!

Speech and sounds

The girl wants to talk! And she does, oh does she ever... No one really understands anything, but the sounds are actually quite funny! Hence more smiles... :o)

Supper

Gotta go: time to get dinner ready!

On sleep, change, questions, and the wisdom of other moms

2007-12-17T09:43:00.000-08:00

Well, we've seen a week of changes, that have mostly kept me away from the computer, or too tired to type at night...

The most brutal (and not expected and definitely not hoped for so soon...) has been Yummy going from 2 naps a day to only one: bye bye free time... And hello whiny lunch time, as we now skip the morning nap! I put her down after lunch today, and of course she resisted being rocked, and cried, so in bed she went and I left the room. Not 3 minutes later, she passed out smack in a middle of a cry!

We've also seen changes in her nights, as she doesn't wake-up quite as often as she used too. We live in a not-so-big-but-great condo (which we obviously bought before we decided to adopt... and still would probably buy again!), and her room is on a mezzanine and ours is on the main floor. Ever since we came back from China, one of us has slept on the guest bed upstairs, just outside her room, which guaranteed the other a good night sleep downstairs every second night. At first, she would wake 7-8 times a night, mostly because she had lost her beloved rag. Giving it back to her sent her back to sleep just about every time. We got so good at it, we now have 2-3 rags hanging at the end of her bed, and just grab one and aim it at her in the dark, when we are half-asleep at 3 AM: works great! She was also taking a bottle at around 2 AM, which she stopped on her own almost 2 weeks ago. A bigger diapers at night really do the trick...

So, we started noticing a pattern in the wakings. Mainly, she would sleep much better and wake-up less if Dad was on duty, and still wake-up crying 4-5 times when I slept upstairs, especially on the (very) occasional times I took an evening off and went out and Dad stayed home. And it didn't matter who put her to sleep: it's as she knew who would be there later! So Dad decided to experiment, and spend 3 night in a row upstairs: she only cried enough for him to have to get up once or twice for the 3 nights!!! Guess what happened when my turn came back? Two times, which is still better than before. So, we are seeing improvement!

And the one nap a day is kind of helping going to sleep at night, as she is so tired by then. We haven't seen any big dramatic production of crying, screaming and kicking in a few days... Those are the worst! Man, the girl can put up an angry fit!!! It has taken us as long as an hour to finally get her to sleep sometimes, and it was not fun for anyone...

With all those sleep issues, I've been trying to find good books to help us decide what to do: to let cry or not? to pick up or not?... I've realized with quite a bit of surprise that the adoption books barely talk about sleep, and the sleep books, if they mention adoption, will say something like "adopted children might require a few months before you can attempt these methods" and blablabla... Yeah, but still, what do we do NOW? How much do we let her cry??? We tried rocking her until she slept, thus avoiding the big traumatic tears, but she would then cried more during the night, up to 3-4 times an hour. Not good... Even if we've gotten pretty skilled at recognizing the angry cries from the really distraught ones, and act acordingly, the questions of how to handle sleep always stay.

Attachment is such an ongoing process, back and forth, back and forth. And because of the adoption, I tend to question a lot of her behaviors which would probably seem perfectly normal for a mom of bio kids. For example, Daddy now gets a very excited welcome from Yummy when he comes back from work at night: she wiggles, and squeals, and claps, and it's the cutest thing ever! I was out most of the day last Thursday, getting my hair done and Christmas shopping. I came back just after her dinner, and was basically ignored for the rest of the evening... No clapping for Mummy, let's give her the cold shoulder! Hard... It took her a few days to really look and smile at me again. On Friday night, we had some friends over for dinner, with their kids, and dear Karen so reassured me by saying her kids have done the exact same thing, "punishing" mommy when she leaves them, even for a short period... OK, so I guess I didn't traumatize her for life by getting some hair highlights and buying her presents! Yay! Because that half hour in the middle of shopping, alone in a coffee shop with my book felt just too good...

There are definite differences in the challenges involved with adopted versus bio kids. But there are also many, many similarities. And with a first child, I think it's often tough to figure out what is what. And you want to give them all the best. And sometimes you succeed, and sometimes you loose your patience.

And then other moms will tell you everything is fine.
And tell you they've been there.
And done it.
And reassure you.
A lot.

Better than TV

2007-12-06T09:16:00.001-08:00

Oh, so fascinating!

Twenty Pounds of Joy

2007-12-05T13:02:00.001-08:00

Yummy has been so yummy lately, it's more fun to play with her than to update my blog!
(Or to finally read the 7th Harry Potter while she's napping...)

We've seen so many changes since we've been back! I knew we would gradually see those changes, and I knew that it takes a while for these amazing babies to show their true personality, and to let it shine. However, I didn't know how good it would make me feel to watch her grow, and change, and learn, and trust. Every new step is like an incredible gift, and lately, we see changes daily!

She is understanding so much, and she started to purposely use signs, "more" being her favorite one. "More" food, "more" music, "more" toys, "more" play... She does it in the most enthusiastic, determined way a not-quite-one-year-old can, and it's quite funny to watch! She's even combined two signs, her pointing (to the bowl of egg yolks, a favorite food) and signing "more".

More music mama!

Also, last night, something clicked, and she realized the power she had over making us laugh at the dinner table. She was funnier and more charming than we had ever seen her, and it continued today. For two weeks, now, I've been trying to get her to make "beaux yeux" (literally "beautiful eyes"), squinting my eyes at her, and all of a sudden, she started doing it last night, scrunching her whole face in the cutest way. These pictures don't even do her justice, but that's the best I could do!

The weather being so nice after this week's storm, I bundled her up and took her on a walk, with a stop at the coffee shop where she proceeded to smile and play and sign "more" for cookies while I was able to enjoy my latte and a few pages of my book. "Before baby", it was one of my little pleasures to go out for coffee in the afternoon, and I see no reason to stop, so I'm training her! :o)

Walking back in the sun, with everything so nice and white, big lazy snowflakes falling out of nowhere, and my smiling, happy baby making cute faces and sounds at me in the stroller, I thought about the Long Wait, which seems so long ago now, and how I had yet to fully understand what was coming up, the hard stuff as well as the wonderful stuff. And it's a good thing, because the wonderful stuff still outweights the hard stuff by about 1000, and The Wait would have been that much more difficult.

A few weeks before we left for China, a good friend of mine had told me that we think things can't get better, and then they do. And then you think they can't possibly get better, and they do again. So true...

Twenty pounds of joy.

And she keeps growing... :o)

Bad Hair Day

2007-11-30T08:41:00.000-08:00

And there's not much that can be done about it...

I can wash it, brush it flat, and it will dry and rise and stay up there, every single time!

Bah, she's cute anyways... :o)

Freedom!

2007-11-29T11:42:00.000-08:00

Daddy came back from work early, and gave me the afternoon off! YAY!!!

AND! He brought some wine back from the store!
Now we can have a proper Thursday's Pizza Night!

AND! AND! He vaccuumed too!
(Sorry for the blurry picture... the battery died right after this shot...)

Off to do My Own Things!

Found it! And I'm doomed...

2007-11-29T06:34:00.000-08:00

Yummy found the off switch on her own, and we had a lovely day yesterday! Yay! Lyra's mom was right: there's a new tooth! That makes it 8, and we still have lots of drool and red cheeks, so I'm on the look-out for more. She's now in her crib, actively protesting this idea of a morning nap with all kinds of funny sounds. It's hard not to laugh, but I need that nap too! No nap, no post...

OK, too much crying, gotta go check...

*********

Oh no!!! She found out how to sit on her own! She was close to it this morning, while we were playing. I guess enough anger will get you where you want... or close enough...

I'm doomed!

*********

Changed the diaper, rocked her a few minutes, put her back to bed. She's still crying wildly, after a few weeks of very good naps. What to do??? She is tired, that I know for sure. But if she doesn't sleep, we'll be back on the whining road... and there's no more wine...

*********

Third times a charm: she's asleep, after I rocked her long enough...

*********

So, we have new favorite toys: the stuffed ones!

She goes crazy over her teddybears and soft dolls and such, and it's just hilarious to watch her hug them!

And she's discovered that since she's isn't crawling yet, pointing to something while going "wawawa" or "yayayaya" will usually result in getting it.

Still can't believe she sat on her own... helloooooooo endless bedtimes! We were doing so good, usually under 20 minutes!

I need my coffee... Ta-ta for now!

Where's the off switch???

2007-11-27T15:32:00.000-08:00

Well, we've had a whiny day... Whine whine whine!!!

Whine to eat.
Whine to stop eating.
Whine to get something.
Whine to get something else.
Whine because we can't crawl (oh, the frustration!).
Whine because we can't play with the phone.
Whine because mommy is dressing us to go outside.
Whine because mommy is dressing herself to take us outside.
Whine because we have to wear a hat.
Whine because the stroller stopped moving.
Whine because we're back and we have to get undressed.
Whine because we have to wait 12 seconds while mommy is taking her jacket off.

But thankfully, no whining before the (too short) afternoon nap...
For which she made up by crying for a good 10 minutes when she woke up...

Where's the off switch??? I've been looking all over, can't find it...

Daddy is feeding her now.

Mommy is "wining".... Wine wine wine!

Recovering...

2007-11-26T16:22:00.001-08:00

Oh boy...

We decided to celebrate Yummy's first birthday almost a month early, because on December 24th, people are usually kinda busy. Also, we wanted to "set the tone" for the family, and make sure right from the beginning that her birthday was special, and her own, not lost in the Christmas craziness. So, we had the family over for brunch on Sunday... 14 (very nice) people, most of them (not all, some being only 2...) offering to help, and an omelet (recipe below) that wouldn't cook (of course, I had put 20 eggs instead of the 8 the recipe called, and didn't realize I should then multiply the cooking time by about 37...). But my cake came out quite cute if I may say so myself, and Yummy had a grand time with the guests.

Tasting the icing... Final decision? Yucky!

We all agreed that kids are born with some pretty good instincts, things we don't really need to teach them: feeding, breathing, opening gifts... She had never opened one before, and mastered the task (and, most importantly, the goal!) in about 17 seconds! Quicker than it took to bake the omelet...

The last guest left at around 3h30PM, and S and I cleaned up during naptime, then crashed in front of the fireplace (first fire of the season, yay!), with glasses of scotch.

I see a caterer in my future.

The good thing to all the excitement is that my baby was so tired, she only woke up once during the night, for a bottle, and then zoom, back to sleep! The average lately has been 4-5 times...

But! We are now waking up with a smile more often than with a cry!
With her beloved and oh-so-essential-for-comfort rags:

And she plays peekaboo in her crib...
This one cracks me up!

An update

2007-11-23T09:51:00.000-08:00

Well, my cute Yummy sure is keeping me busy! We've had some "firsts" this week, some of them making me miss my baby already... The girl is growing too fast!

She is now, very proudly may I add, doing a few signs, but only when we say the word. And even then, she sometimes confuses them, which is quite funny! We're still waiting for a spontaneous use. As I was typing this besides her, she very nicely accepted to do them all (and didn't miss any!) so that I could capture them. Here we go:

"More"

"Bye bye" (opening and closing her hands)

"Finished"

"How old are you?"

(That one we taught her to impress the family this week-end, as we are celebrating her birthday a month early, to make it more special than on Christmas Eve, which is her official birthday...)
(And since they read my French blog, I'm safe posting it here!)

She also signs "no" with her head, that one more and more appropriately. And she signs "yes", but only when she imitates us...

On the motor part of things, she is still pretty non efficient in moving herself, or going from lying to sitting on her own, but boy oh boy does she ever wish she could! Which brings much frustration... On the other hand, I'm in no rush to be running after her all day.

I was at my computer this morning, confident that she was playing safely and happily on the floor behind me, when I heard paper noise... and I knew she didn't have paper... I turned around to find her standing, playing with some papers on a trunk (favorite toy these days...) holding on with one hand to a very sharp corner! Obviously, I rescued her before grabbing the camera. I still deeply regret not getting that shot, even if would have been tough to explain the whole situation to the surgeon in doing the stiches at the hospital...

Also, she absolutely LOOOOOOVES books! I can even sometimes read besides her, as she keeps herself busy with her own books! Which is a good thing right now, as I was able to finish the 6th Harry Potter today, after re-reading the whole series before diving into the 7th. I've managed to stay away from any cue to the ending, so nobody says a word!

Another "first": we let her play with her yogurt bowl last night. As soon as I gave her the spoon, she dipped it in and started (not very efficiently...) feeding herself!

Then, I brought the Jell-O out: she dove in and fed herself some.

Right hand on the camera, left one ready to catch a flying plate of red goo...

Because of the storm yesterday, we stayed inside. There was no way we would do the same today, so I bundled her up, and off we went with the stroller to my favorite coffee place. She was pretty good, as I can now read 3-4 pages of a magazine interrupted by some attention and toy-collecting from the floor before we have to leave. We ran out of toys to play with (mental note: get some new toys for such outings...) so I gave her my wallet to play with. I was pretty sure it was a safe choice, because it closes with a zipper, until I heard a funny noise: my cards were being thrown on the floor, one by one... Somehow, she had managed to unzip it and was having a grand time emptying the pockets. I took it away. Crying ensued. We left...

First overnighter!

2007-11-19T07:54:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how fast the days and the weeks are flying by! We've been home a month now, and it feels like much longer than that.

Before the adoption trip, I read just about everything there was to read about adoption and attachement. Some rules were set, some were happily broken (let's just call it "informed instinct"), including that thing about quiet, calm and stability and blablabla when you first come home. We had guests or visited friends just about every day for the first two weeks! And this past week-end, we decided to go for it, be brave and bold, and travel to Quebec City for an overnight trip at grand-papa.

Yummy did amazingly well! At first, she was very curious and a bit cautious about the new environment, but quickly adapted and played and babbled and smiled. She woke up a few more times than usual at night and needed to be picked up, but really, that was it. And last night, in her own bed, she only woke up once, which she hadn't done in a while! Oh, and she slept most of the drive there and back, which we had strategically timed with her naps. Yay!

The girl wants to walk so desperately! Maybe she should learn to go from lying to sitting on her own first, or maybe even to crawl, but alas, the interest is still limited... it's easier to cry for mommy... which she is doing right now... after throwing herself on her back on the bed because it's fun...

"Walking" with a friend on Saturday night. Not quite ready yet... ;o)

We got treated to a show of "pole-dancing" with the breakfast counter chairs!

Putting those long fingers to good use...

The sweetest music...

2007-11-15T16:07:00.000-08:00

Here I am, supposed to be doing some work-related stuff while S is looking after Yummy. He took her to our bedroom, and all I can hear is the sweet sound of her squeals of pleasure and her babbling and her laughing with him, for whatever reason and whatever is happening in there...

It sooooooo doesn't get much better than that!

OK, back to pretend-work...

Genius!

2007-11-14T19:16:00.001-08:00

Before we went to China, I had read a bit about signing for babies, and liked what I found. Also, having used it with success with kids with Down syndrome in my "other" life, I could see the benefits for young children who don't have verbal language yet. I taught S a few signs, and he became the consistent parent in terms of teaching Yummy the signs for "milk" and for "more".

Well, guess what? This afternoon, as I was getting her milk ready (the girl has no patience and usually screams for the 32 seconds it takes...), Yummy clearly squeezed her fist at the bottle!!! AND, I've also seen attemps at "more", with a big smile, especially when I ask her if she wants more chicken, her favorite food.

10 and a half months, 19 and a half pound of genius! :o)

Rythms and change

2007-11-13T13:07:00.000-08:00

I just realized that I haven't written in 3 days... Whew! Time flies so much faster with a baby than when at work!!! Since Yummy, I'm never really sure what day or date it is, everything is kind of blending in together. I even wished a neighbour a good week-end today when she told me she was off to Quebec City!

I'm in awe at how busy a little 19-or-something pound person can keep you! Yummy is still doing great, and things are slowly getting into a nice rythm, which I know will change the minute we get use to it, unfortunately... Going to sleep is much easier (well, generally speaking....), and she "only" wakes up 2-4 times a night now, usually with one bottle at around 3AM. We're getting somewhat regular with naps, and I'm slowly organizing my life so that there's actually some time for MY life at some point in the day. Sometimes, like tonight, it's a choice between sleep and doing something for me, but I'd rather be sane and tired than depressed or grumpy but better rested...

Before I left for China, I got one of the best advices ever, from an experienced mom (let's just call her "genius"): she said "Remember that nothing is permanent", relating to what would happen in China. It helped tremendously on those first few crazy-scary-wonderful days. The real genius part is that it is still helping, and is actually slowly changing the way I see life. Adjusting to a new baby is tough work! But the more I remember that nothing is permanent, the easier everything gets, and the more I enjoy every moment with our wonderful baby.

Nothing is permanent... So, she went to sleep easily at naptime? Not so easy at bedtime!... She loved broccoli today? Forget it tomorrow, the love will be back Thursday or Friday... Woke up smiling, woke up crying, woke up smiling, woke up babbling, woke up crying... Stayed quiet in the car seat, screamed as if a tiger was chewing her leg in the car seat... These are the kind of rythms I'm getting used to, accepting and recognizing them as her way of growing up and coping with everything. Nothing is permanent indeed, and it's a good thing!

With dad, on a hike during my "half-day off" last Sunday

Loving books!

Corolle makes a wonderful chinese doll, which Yummy got as a gift

Oh, how I love that face!
And THAT is permanent! :o)

I saved a life today!

2007-11-10T11:00:00.001-08:00

We're slowly getting used to being the center of attention everywhere we go, Yummy being so cute and all... But the comments, oh the comments! Most are well-meaning though, and we have yet to encounter anything too nasty, although we know it will come. S came close a few days ago, when an older man very bluntly asked him "how much she cost": S was taken aback until he realized the guy was talking about the stroller! :o)

Today, at the grocery store, the lady offering samples of some new bread "without fat or sugar" (how boring must it be...) came up to me, as I was waiting for my pastries "with lots of fat and sugar", and told me she adopted 18 years ago, and congratulated me on saving Yummy's life... I got my dessert, and took off with a smile, thinking that if it wouldn't have been us, there are now about 30 000 couples waiting to adopt from China who would have been quite willing to "save a life"...

S is going back to work on Monday, a week early, because he's very much needed at his work right now. He'll take another week off sometime before Christmas, and his boss had the supreme elegance to send me a very, very nice flower bouquet yesterday, thanking me for "lending them S"! For his last day off, yesterday was so gorgeous, we decided to go for a walk by the lake, in Oka and try the baby backpack, which our Yummy loved! It was kind of cold, but the light was absolutely gorgeous. Here are some pictures:

ONCE!!!

2007-11-08T05:49:00.000-08:00

Yummy only woke up once last night, at around midnight, for her beloved rag!

When I woke up again at 6h45, the sun was up already and that I didn't remember changing a diaper, giving a bottle, or comforting my baby during the night... I actually went to check to see if she was still breathing: of course she was. When she woke up and Dad picked her up a bit later, she actually was holding a rag in each hand, so I guess she has finally figured out she can pick them up all by herself...

All this after a pretty traumatic bedtime last night, as she refused to consider closing her eyes, even though she was quite tired. We dealt with an hour of crying before she finally settled down for the night.

So, this is progress, right?

A bath, a rag, and a visa

2007-11-06T13:21:00.000-08:00

Yummy continues to amaze me at how well she is adjusting to her new life! She now decided that she loves baths (and showers with one of us!), and had this look of pure joy when we put her in the sink last night. Dad figured out that she was fascinated by the running water from the tap, and that kind of did the trick. There was water splashing everywhere, so we'll move to the bathtub really soon, before we flood the downstair neighbour...

Thank you for the sleeping tips! They helped me, and knowing they come from real moms makes them quite valuable compared to my books! :o)

We are slowly figuring out a sleep and naps schedule that works, and even though Yummy still wakes up 7-8 times a night, we are seeing small, slow changes. There are now (occasionally...) some cries that can be calmed down with a simple "shhhh" from outside her room, but the really loud ones still need us to come in and give her her rag (actually a sof baby facecloth) back. She was used to comfort herself with one at the orphanage, and still uses that method here, which generally works wonders. The beauty of it is that we have about 18 of them, and can rotate (and wash!) them without any fuss. When she loses one in her bed, she cries with her eyes shut: even though I've tried putting a bunch in the crib, she can't find them! So we go in, gve it back to her, and everybody goes back to sleep for another hour or two...

We are also starting a "going to bed" routine, with dinner, some play time, a bath (during which she had so much fun and got so excited that it totally defeated the purpose...), a few books, a bottle, and then the crib. We've started putting her in bed just before she falls asleep, and it actually sometimes work.

So, all in all, we have an amazing baby, with sleep really being the only issue. And according to your comments, they all have issues with sleep at one time or another. So we're good. And getting better. And completely in love... :o)

Oh, and we got her a visa that will allow us to go (spend money! Love that exchange rate right now! :o) in the USA, before she gets her citizenship. Yay!!! If you are from Canada and wondering what the steps are, let me know!

Week-end news...

2007-11-04T11:46:00.000-08:00

Nothing much to report, just some tidbits...

Yummy had her first shots at the pediatrician on Thursday: didn't cry, but got really sick for 24 hours, with a runny nose, fever, swollen face, crying eyes, and drooling mouth, this one from the teething... Oh, she was lovely! Everything is better now, except for the puddles of drool she leaves everywhere.
She is starting to tolerate being more than 2 feet away from us for more than 10 seconds! Yay!
She imitates more and more, the current funny skills being the "fake cough" and the air kisses, which she does with her top teeth and bottom lip. Very cute!
The girl loves books! She'll point at images, and listens when I name them. Curiously, she's not too found of baby images, but really likes animals and objects.

On a longer topic, sleep is still difficult. We are now making a conscious effort to try to establish a routine, and to slowly help her learn to fall asleep on her own. It works sometimes, but definitely not others, and she still wakes up 5-8 times a night. We haven't had any other night terror episodes since the one last week though. Am I ever thankful for that!!!

She sleeps in her own bed. Co-sleeping is not really an option, as she thinks that when we are in bed together, it's party time! It was like that in China, it's like that here. Plus, we know that she was used to sleeping in her own bed.

Most every site or book I found that talks about sleep talks about co-sleeping, or gives recommandations that a 10-month old baby simply wouldn't understand. Or they say to wait a few months before doing anything too proactive... She's doing great during the day, although can get a bit whiny if she hasn't slept enough. She's more and more secure, we can even leave the room for a moment and she'll wait for us, she's eating well, baths and showers are no longer a problem. Am I asking to much to want sleep to improve somewhat?...

Any good advice from adoptive parents out there???

The Sweetest Halloween...

2007-10-31T19:29:00.000-07:00

So, we went for a walk in the neighbourhood tonight, with some friends, checking out the Halloween scene with Yummy. A kid is a great excuse to go look at fancy houses and fancy decorations! We dressed her as a white tiger, put her in the stroller, and for a long part of the walk, she kept doing this roaring sound, which was just hilarious!

Afterwards, she was hanging out in the living room with her Dad. We have a mezzanine that overlooks the living room, and I was sitting up there, at my computer. Yummy looked up, saw me, and very clearly said "mama", in the whiny tone she uses when she wants something. Before that, "mamama" had been used a lot, and mostly when she wanted milk... Since she had just finished her bottle, I'm counting this one as the first real one!

What a sweet, sweet feeling! :o)

Pictures from September

2007-10-30T15:48:00.001-07:00

Waaaayyyy back in August, once we got the proposal for Yummy, we used Blessed Kids to send a care package to the orphanage, which contained some candies for the nannies, a fleece blanket (the red one in many of the pictures from China...), a panda bear, and 2 disposable cameras.

Believe it or not, I had completely forgot about it all on the day we got Yummy! It was about half an hour after we got her that the orphanage director came to me and gave me back the cameras. Good thing he was more on top of things than I was! The nannies then gave us back the panda bear and the blanket. For a reason I can't remember, we eventually put that blanket in Yummy's crib in China, and she slept on it. It might have made the transition to the hotel in Beijing easier. We then decided to use it here too, and to this day, she is still sleeping on it.

We finally got around to get the films developped this week, and got back some very special pictures, over 70 of them. We realized that she has probably been sharing her room and nanny with a little girl who was adopted by a couple in our group, as well as another precious one who was adopted this week by an American couple. Somehow, I'm much more protective of these pictures than I was of the ones we took in China... But because you guys have been such faithful readers, I'll share a few! :o)

With the lady we think must have been her nanny

In what must have been her crib, with the panda and the blanket we got back

Walker derby!

Busy busy

2007-10-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

Man, this little girl is keeping us busy! The days fly by, and I realize it's been ages since I posted... Thankfully, jetlag now seems to be a thing of the past. Yay! We are slowly getting into a rythm here, as much as we can with all kinds of visits and visitors in the last few days. Yummy is taking it all in stride, being social and at the same time promptly coming back to either one of us for comfort. Two nights ago, we've had one quite terrible episode of night terror, which traumatized Mummy more than Yummy... I know it's all part of the deal, so we learn together, each new step.

Each day brings something new, a new skill, a new cute ability, a new discovery. It's one curious child we've got! She wants to get into everything, notices new stuff, already has favorite toys, and takes her time exploring and discovering whatever interests her. We can literaly watch her think and figure things out.

The girl also eats! But don't insult her with purees or fruits: she'll make the cutest grimace ever, or simply gag if we insist. We don't... She likes meat, some veggies (broccoli!), egg yolks, toasts, and milk. Oh, the milk... every 2-3 hours, a bottle is loudly demanded, except at night, as she slept for 9 hours without a bottle last night!

The funniest thing is when Dad feeds her: lots of action and narration! As in "Chicken! Chicken! Chicken! Lots of fiber in chicken! Muscle fiber!" I just sat there, laughed and took pictures. Notice the chopstick action...

Sweet Dreams!

2007-10-26T19:13:00.001-07:00

Told ya we saw Keanu at Forbidden City...
For the non-believers, finally, here's the proof!

Hurrah!!!

2007-10-26T04:47:00.000-07:00

VICTORY!!!

Apart from the usual little cries to get her soothing rag again (even if I had put 4 in her crib... just in case... you know... she could get it back herself...), Yummy only really woke up at 11 and at 3h30 for a bottle! I managed to get her back to sleep at 4h15, and she slept until 6h45! A personal record has been broken!

And her parents are much better rested... OK, we're definitely going out somewhere today!

And by the way, yes, I know we can't be quite out of the jetlag tunnel yet. One day at at time! She's too much fun to want to go faster anyways... :o)

The week-long hangover...

2007-10-25T17:55:00.000-07:00

We've been home almost a week, and even though I've only drank about 6 glasses of wine (2 of them tonight, and I'm already tipsy...), this jetlag thing feels like the longest hangover ever! I would have been fine the day after we came back, but Miss Yummy here is intent on having a big party every night between 1 and 4 AM. Actually, she started it at 4 AM today, so we are crossing our fingers (and toes and anything else that can be crossed) that she stretches it until 5 AM tomorrow.

Yeah, right...

S and I take turns for the night watch, and as a result, we both have weird biological clocks, waking up at 1 AM even if nothing is moving or crying in the house... And my stomach thinks it's luch time by then!!! I'm so thankful for my mom: she left us a huge box of homemade cookies last Friday, when she filled out our fridge, and even offered to make more if we wanted! What a great excuse to come and visit... ;o)

Yummy turned 10 months yesterday, and we had my parents over for a wine and cheese (no cooking...) dinner. We told them to come by at around 4PM, so they could play with Yummy, and of course they arrived early, but had the supreme elegance (and patience... :o) to go for a walk before ringing the doorbell. Yummy was her usual charming self, and totally seduced her grand-dad, who is as much a goner now than her dad his. Good luck to all the other men in her life!

Apart from that, just surviving the first "real" week of parenthood, having friends drop by to visit and admire, and being happily exhausted. Wouldn't change a thing in my life!

Here are a few pictures, until I get some more energy (and time! Oh, how time flies!) to post again.

(Oh, and by the way, NO, she doesn't always smile! You should hear the ear-piercing cries when she doesn't get her milk EXACTLY when she wants it, which is usually expressed to us with a 12-second notice. Loud enough to make one fail a homestudy...)

This one just cracks me up! Cute little thing in a sling...

Starting to eat on her own. My baby is growing already!

Daddy makes good drinks for the women of his life...
Love the designer cappucino!
(And he claims he didn't do it on purpose... Ha!)

Wanna know what jetlag looks like?...

2007-10-20T21:59:00.001-07:00

It looks like this:

S is peacefully sleeping, I got the night shift... Yummy woke up at about midnight, without any intention of falling back asleep. As I was rocking her, trying to stay quiet, hoping against all odds that she would go back to sleep, she started putting on a show, tentatively smiling, clapping her hands trying to get me to react... She won, hands down. As soon as I cracked a smile, she got all excited and active, and here she is now, playing on her own as long as I'm within eyesight.

My first reaction was "oh please, sleep, baby, sleep!". Then, I realized that moments like this would never come back, the sweet intimacy of the middle of the night, with this gorgeous baby trying to engage and play with me. She'll be growing too fast, she'll want independance too soon, and right now, she's just a big ball of cuteness.

So, I'll be lacking sleep, but I won't be lacking love. Not a bad deal... :o)

********

Here are some more pictures from the last few days, that I couldn't post earlier:

Waiting for the plane in Beijing

At home, discovering her basket of toys...

S blowing in her face: she finds this hysterical! :o)

Mommy passed out at 2 AM...

Back home!

2007-10-20T18:32:00.001-07:00

Back home, and slowly recovering...

the trip home went really really well, with flight attendants who made sure every adoptive family had lots of space on the plane, which thankfully wasn't full. We ended up with a whole row to ourselves, 4 seats!!! It was almost like flying home in our living room. They gave us plenty of wine, and Yummy slept for about 8 hours, with the usual hourly short cry for comfort. I must say, the 13 hours went by quite quickly, much to our surprise. We missed our connection in Toronto (which we almost expected, since the agency had booked us a flight 1h15 hour after arrival...), but Air Canada was great about it, and moved people from the 9 o'clock flight too the 8 o'clock flight in roder to put us all in the 9 o'clock one. It worked, and we finally got home to my family and some graet friends waiting for us at the airport. Yummy was in a fantastic mood, as she slept the whole flight from Toronto to Montreal.

When we got home, we were starving, so we ordered pizza at 1 in the morning, while Yummy had some chicken and broccoli that my mom had left in the fridge, along with all kinds of foods and goodies. Yay mom!!! The pizza delivery guy looked quite puzzled when he saw a Chinese baby eating at our table at 1h30 in the morning! ;o)

Today was unpacking, laundry (oh, the joy of a washing machine and drinkable water from the tap!!!), and then my in-laws came over in the afternoon and for a sushi supper. We managed to wake Yummy up (actually just picked her up and talked to her when she whined for comfort, which she still does evey 1-2 hours...), and are hoping (delusional???) that we can switch her to Montreal time very soon.

We put her down in the living room and she played by herself for a few minutes this morning, and as we were cleaning the place up, we suddenly looked at her back, and realized there was a baby in here! There was a "what have we done" moment, and then she whined for one of us to come over... She actually started to cry for me specifically to pick her up today. Feels sweet... :o)

For those of you still waiting, I'll come back and write more about what we did, brought and chose for the trip that made a big difference for us.

OK, got to sleep now... Sorry for the no picture post: Blogger won't let me add them tonight... :o(((

Last post from Beijing

2007-10-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

It's getting late, and we have a big day tomorrow, so this will be short...

This a definitely been the most extraordinary trip ever, and we're coming back with the most wonderful child. For those of you still waiting, I know how hard it is, and I know that things are definitely not getting easier as time goes by. However, the light at the end of the tunnel is more bright, more wonderful, and filled with more emotions than you can ever imagine. Hang in there: sorry for the cliché, but it is absolutely and definitely worth the wait!!!

For those of you who can't wait to meet Yummy, give us a call next week and we'll see how things are going. She loves (and needs...) to go outside, so walks with company will definitely be an option!

I'll leave you with a few pictures from our last restaurant outing, for Pekin duck (which was amazing!).

Forbidden Keanu

2007-10-17T05:21:00.000-07:00

Today was the last scheduled visit of the trip, and we went to the Forbidden City. As usual, everything went very quickly, and we basically ran through the whole place, which might have been a good thing, because it is HUGE!!! That place is truly spectacular, and I'm starting to suspect that the whole purpose of those quick visits (we only spent about 1h30 hour at the Great Wall yesterday...) is to make us come back. I've enjoyed this trip so much, and China, and China people, now I really want to read about it's history and culture, not just the adoption books!

The funny moment of the day was when we realized that Keanu Reeves was right there, watching the emperor's throne with us! A bunch of women that has been busy falling in love with their babies, changing diapers and making bottles on the go for 10 days is still a bunch of women... We all went a bit crazy, one of us snapped an awesome picture of him (I promise I'll put it up here when I get it!), and all the guys seemed to get a bit jealous, wondering out loud what the big deal was... It was really funny to watch them do that with babies strapped to their chest.

S was very supportive, and tried to film him with his video camera's super zoom as Keanu was walking away... When I checked my pictures tonight, I realized that I had him in the corner of a shot!!! I zoomed it for your viewing pleasure... OK, I know, it's a bit blurry, but I swear, it's him! ;o)

Yummy slept through the whole visit...

Last day tomorrow, a bittersweet feeling about leaving this amazing country, slowly starting to look forward to some routine, drinkable tap water, and a washing machine... :o)

And because that's what you all come here for anyways, here are a few pictures of the last 2 days:

Chopsticks action!

On the bus, with our friends visiting Beijing

Multitasking...

Sorry, no baby in this one, just unbelievable architecture...

Remember Puss'N Boots, in Shrek?...

Aaaawwww...

Too cute! (and yes, I'm talking about the baby...)

And a bonus!

2007-10-15T06:16:00.002-07:00

I haven't posted in quite a few days, and I'm sure some of you have been checking the blog daily, so here's a bonus, just for you... :o)

We filmed this last Saturday, her vey first time sitting on her own!

That courage thing...

2007-10-15T05:35:00.000-07:00

Before we adopted, it always bothered me when people mentioned how “courageous” of us it was to adopt internationally. I never considered this decision to be courageous. Now, it’s an entirely different story! I’m still pretty sure that the courage they were talking about was not quite the same thing that’s needed here, but yes, in retrospect, it is definitely courageous, and not for everyone. You fly halfway around the world, they hand you a baby you absolutely don’t know, send you back to a hotel room, and add crazy schedules, stress, new foods, new smells, new language, and a new environment... Instant parenthood of a very frightened child: yes, you do need some courage.

Still, through all this, the rewards are unbelievable! We’re all tired, some of us are sick (I’m not, S is a bit...), most of the babies are sick, and still, we’re still smiling, still joking around, and still in awe of all those beautiful girls we now have. This is so definitely the trip of a lifetime!

Yummy is changing daily, step by step, each one a cause for celebration. She sleeps a bit better, is easier to comfort, smiles and babbles readily, only cries when she is hungry, whines a bit when tired, can sleep on the go, and best of all, puts out her arms to be picked up! We’re getting to her so much better, to understand her rythms, her likes and dislikes. She is just amazing, such a sweet soul... We’re absolutely, completely in love, and have to watch it in the mornings, because it is so much more fun to play with her than to get ready for the meeting times! Another thing: our guide showed us today how to correctly pronounce her Chinese name, and the look on Yummy’s face when she heard it was priceless! We’ve successfully managed to say it in a way that she can understand, because each time, she quickly turned her head toward whichever one of us was saying it, with a smile on her face. Oh, we’re getting good at this parenting thing! ;o)

S is the most amazing dad, so caring, so involved, and totally seduced by this tiny, beautiful girl. There is so much to do, you really need to work as a team to make it through this, and we’ve been doing pretty darn good!

We arrived in Beijing late Saturday night (she slept through the entire flight!), all of us quite exhausted. Beijing is amazing, but I miss Nanchang and its more traditional feel, and its gentle, smiling people. The hotel we’re at is nice, but full of tourists, Europeans and Americans, a lot of them on retired group tours. One of the couples in our group was bluntly asked how much their baby cost! They also miss Nanchang...

We visited the Summer Palace yesterday: it seemed that all 18 million Beijing people and half of Europe were there... It was a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, so I guess people got out. Today was the medical exam and the embassy. Yummy came through it with flying colors, at 50th percentile for head circumference and height, and 10th percentile for weight. She has a cold, nothing major.

Tomorrow is the Great Wall, then the pearls and jade markets (helloooooo shopping!!! :o) with two friends of mine joining us for the visit, as they are traveling in China now.

I'll leave you with a few pictures from the last days, before going back to my glass of wine... The cutest ones are always with Dad! :o)

Watching the action from the bus: always a favorite activity!

At the temple

Lunch with Dad

Love that face! So much...

And on the 4th day, happiness...

2007-10-10T23:27:00.000-07:00

First of all, thank you all so much for the comments! They help, they really do!

So, the third night was a bit better, but not by much. I never fell back asleep after the 2h30 wake-up call... But, since we went to bed at 8Pm the previous night, it doesn't feel too bad. Yet...

Yummy woke up in a weird mood, going from smiles to cries at light speed. We weren't sure if we should go on a planned visit to a park, but we figured that since she sleeps so well on the road and in the Baby Bjorn (oh, so happy we have that!!!), and the visit was short, we would give it a shot. Well, did we ever make a good decision!!! S took her in the carrier (it's his birthday: that was his gift... She gavehim a gift too,but you don't want to hear the details about that one,believe me! ;o), she slept for an hour, then woke up in a wonderful mood and treated us to smiles all the way until lunch!

And the best gift ever (my heart is still in a puddle in a chinese restaurant across the street... ;o), she reached for me when S took her out of the carrier!!!!!!!!!!! That's it, I'm a goner: that child can now make me do anything she wants... She even kept at it after the meal, looking me straight in the eye and smiling and laughing without me having to put on a major performance!

There are so many steps left to take, but after today, I'm ready for anything. I finally found what that Wait was all about...

My favorite picture, ever...

Bonding...

2007-10-08T23:20:00.000-07:00

Well, we've made it a bit over 48 hours as new parents, and the baby is still breathing. Yay!
And we finalized everything Tuesday morning: she is now officially ours!!!

First of all, thank you all: it felt so good to read all your words! And for those of you still waiting, hang in there!!! It is definitely the trip of a lifetime.

Yummy is doing fairly good, considering what she is going through. She is still grieving though, and still hasn't opened up to us as much as we know she eventually will. We've had lots of occasions to bond over the first night... we bonded at midnight... we bonded at 1AM... we bonded at 2 AM... we bonded at 3AM...at 4AM... at 5AM... The girl was on a party roll!!! She would wake up crying, sometimes to be reassured, sometimes because she was hungry (3 bottles in all!), and we figured out after a while sometimes because she is teething. After a few episodes, we would just lie back in bed, with our eyes wide open, and wait for the next call... At around 5, I finally decided to get some help: Tempra and Orajel. 20 minutes later: peace, quiet, and smiles! Hurrah!!! We finally got to sleep, but had to wake her up at 7AM because there were appointments this morning. Helloooooo, parenthood!

The second night was a bit better, but not by much. We're crossing our fingers for tonight, not that she doesn't wake up, but that we actually do, because we are exhausted. Totally happy, but exhausted...

Our girl seems to have decided that Daddy was the good guy: as much as I read about it, and totally understand the deal and what is happening, and that it is only temporary (thank you so much Mortimer'S Mom, for reminding me before we left!!!), I must admit, it is not easy... Mix that with the lack of sleep, the overload of emotions of the last few days: the overhang from that cocktail is pretty brutal! But S and I have a great team here, and have been dealing with everything really well overall. And watching him embrace daddyhood with such passion is a gift in itself!

And, for those who have BTDT, she has pooped 6 times already! We're now the envy of our group... ;o)

Finally, the important stuff:

At breakfast the first morning

At the police station, for the passport picture

After her first bath. We don't like baths...

We have our baby!!!

2007-10-08T05:34:00.000-07:00

Oh my, what a day!!!

I know you are all here for the pictures, but thereare a few things worth writing about. So, go look at the pictures and come back to read! :o)

OK, done?

The excitement this morning was just too much! Everybody had to change US money into yuans, so we spent quite a bit of time in the hotel hall, waiting for the money to be counted. Then, we walked across the street to the civial affairs building. So off we went, and in the elevators up 26 floors. Our group was adopting babies from 3different orphanages, but only one had arrived, and it was with the 2 babies from ours. We didn't notice them as we walked into the room, but once we did, we couldn't keep our eyes from our baby! It was such a special moment to get to look at her, admire her, so calm and comfortable with her nanny. That was a huge help, as we started crying and crying and crying as soon as she was put intomy arms. We were the first couple to be called, no other baby had arrived, so we had an audience!!! I have no clue about how other people reacted, because all I saw was my baby, all that I wanted was to fnally hold her, even if she was definitely less than thrilled with that plan... We look at the pictures now, and kinda feel bad about our smiles when she is so obviously upset. But what can you do? She is absolutely gorgeous, and perfect, and we expected that reaction anyway, because her report did say that she was afraid of strangers.

And boy, was it ever right...

Seeing her for the first time...

I think most babies did cry at one point or another. Ours only periodically stopped... We went back to our hotel, this time crossing the street with such precious cargo(our wonderful guide was covering us and stopping the cars!), and Yummy cried again, but also started to be aware and curious of her new environment, as she turned around if one of us left her sight or made a noise. S finally got her to smile a bit, and then he had to leave for an hour of paperwork. I held her, she fell asleep in my arms 5 minutes later, and I spent the next hour just holding her, staring at her in amazement.

When S got back, we quickly got ready to leave again for other administrative stuff, but before we left, he finally got her to really smile and even laugh. The world just stopped right then and there, and we didn't want to leave! But we did, and spent the afternoon in the same room as the morning.

This evening, we fed her a bit, gave her a quick bath, and then all she wanted to do was to be held quietly, and I was happy to oblige. She's now sleeping in her crib, we've had dinner and wine in the room, and it's somewhat unbelievable that she is here. I guess we'll believe it more when she wakes up hungry in a few hours, because she refused her cereals and only drank a half bottle tonight... ;o)

She's gorgeous, she's amazing, and she's now the center of our world...

2 hours before...

2007-10-07T18:11:00.000-07:00

Less than 2 hours to go... and still breathing! Yay!!!

We spent the day walking and touring around yesterday, discovering Nanchang and its people. Loved it! The sights, the sounds, the smells, the smiling "hello's" from people on the street (we were the only north americans in town, it seemed...): everything is new, busy, and fascinating. I can't believe the constant honking from the cars: even in the middle of the night, with 2 cars on the road, one of them will be honking for sure! And crossing the street wasn't half as bad
or as scary as we expected: I guess Montreal drivers are the perfect training for China...

The contrasts are also amazing, everywhere, the most startling one being our super deluxe hotel, so close to poor neighbourhoods. We walked around yesterday, and ventured out in the small pedestrians streets, where they obviously don't see strangers often.We felt a bit like animals in a zoo, but were never scared or nervous. People are simply curious about us, and a smile will go a long way, even with such ahuge language barrier.

So now, we are in our room, waiting for the change counter to open and get yuans for some fees we'll have to pay later. The diaper bag is packed, even if it's just to cross the street and come back an hour later. We get the babies at around 11AM, and in theory, we are the first couple to get ours, according to the schedule our guide gave us last night. That's a bit nervewracking, as if we needed more stress!!! Oh well...

We come back at the hotel at around noon, and one of us has to go back for some paperwork at 12h30. Then, we go back out again at 2PM, for the picture, certificate, police, and the minister. Whew! That's going to be a loooong day...

OK, I'll be back later with pictures! :o))))))

From Nanchang!

2007-10-06T18:51:00.001-07:00

Well, THAT was a looong day of travelling yesterday! And the day before, because somewhere along the way, a day kind of disappeared, or it felt like it. The long flight here wasn't half as bad as we thought it would be. It actually went really well!The plane was brand new, and we had individual TV's with touch programming. Fun!

I ended up spending more time with my iPod anyway: Mortimer'S Mom gave me "Top Chef" before I left, and I'm now completely addicted!!!

So, we're in China, and it feels amazing! Finally, we are here, and can barely believe it! The hotel is absolutely luxurious, we walked in to find a crib, a stroller and a baby bath.No more denial now! :o)

We are getting the babies Monday at around 11 AM. And now, we are off to explore a bit on our own, before we go to Wal-Mart for some last minute shopping this afternoon, and a visit to a budhist temple. With a group of 26 plus our (amazingly nice and fun!) guide, we rented a bus! ;o)

I'll post some pictures later tonight.

Whew!

2007-10-04T20:13:00.000-07:00

OK, so this is it! Everything is packed (I think...), 90 lbs of stuff so that two adults and a baby can survice in a 5-star hotel for 2 weeks (quite pathetic, isn't it?...) what had to be done has been done (I'm pretty sure...) and we're ready (NOT!!!). I've had my slight panic attack, the scotch and Grand Marnier are in the suitcase, and I just have to finish painting my toes before going to bed. Call me vain mommy. I'm not even bringing sandals, so why am I'm painting them? Because I still have time.

I'm really glad I started packing weeks ago: I don't see how I could have done it all this week, with the running around for last minute stuff that had to be done. Well, the baby's stuff took a long time: my stuff took an hour! Lists are your friends...

I feel like thanking so many people... If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes at least as much to go through the process of international adoption! We've been so blessed with help and support, the list of thank you's would be endless, and I don't want to miss my plane. So if you feel you might deserve a thank you, you absolutely do! And so much more than you can imagine. I'm still in awe of all the amazing friends I have...

Sooooooo... this is it... last full night of sleep for a while...

In theory, we are meeting Yummy on Monday. If nothing else, there will be pictures, I promise!

See you on the other side!

There's hope!

2007-10-04T14:55:00.000-07:00

Big suitcase = baby stuff.
Smaller (but really cool, with 4 wheels...) suitcase = our stuff.

No baby quite yet, and already giving up space... Helloooooo, parenthood! How come we were never able to travel so light before??? Oh yeah, skis and boots and helmets and shovels and stuff... forgot about that...

Just a few more things left to do (YAY!!!), then we can have pizza, some wine, and go to bed before midnight!

OK, I'll be back before we leave..

A special thank you to Mary, who put things back into perspective while I was having a slight moment very much ressembling the first stages of a panic attack earlier this afternoon... Imagining that parking scene saved me! ;o)

How come...

2007-10-04T11:46:00.000-07:00

... we had two years to get ready for this trip, and the day before, I'm running around like a headless chicken, with still a million things to do???

I love The Bay!!!

2007-10-03T13:06:00.001-07:00

Apparently, they will replace the suitcase! Yay!

We'll go for something light: that one was 15 pounds, and we are only allowed 44!

48 hours to go, and the suitcase is too big...

2007-10-03T04:58:00.000-07:00

Bummer.

Over a year and a half ago, when we didn't know better and thought that The Wait might only be a year (mouhahahahaha!!!), we bought two nice suitcases for the trip. In July of this year, they have increased the fees for overweight/oversized luggage, and one of our suitcases is over the size limit by 4 inches, and that's if there's absolutely no buldge. Don't know about weight yet... Now, if the agent at the gate is going for Employee of the Month and gets the measuring tape out, we could be fined 140$ each way. Yuck. That's more than the price of a good suitcase at The Bay, since they always have something on sale at 60% off.

All is not lost: we have a plan! We'll go back to the store tonight, explain our situation and the new luggage rules. And beg. With the picture strategically placed on the counter. Who could resist, right?... Right???...

OK, back too the endless list of things still to do. How come there are still so many details to take care of??? It's like we are leaving for a year!

And last week-end, toughtfull friends gave us a gift certificate to a really cool restaurant, for a last date night Before-Baby. Or rather, Before-Baby-Is-Ready-For-A-Babysitter... We're going tonight! :o)

*****************

Sad note of the week: it looks like the CCAA has sent referrals for the month, but again, they only covered a few days... It will have taken them 6 months to refer babies to all those who were logged in November 2005!!! That is just awful. I feel so sad for all those people still waiting, especially for those who, even considering the recent very slow rythm, were reasonably hoping for a referral this month and didn't get it. Rumour has it that they have matched families and babies further along, but for some reason, are not sending the referrals. If you are still waiting, please know that I'm thinking about all of you, and really really hoping that you see light very soon at the end of this long, dark tunnel.

"Lasts"

2007-09-30T10:07:00.000-07:00

Well, for the past few days, it feels like the countdown as really started, and there is no going back! We've started the series of "last ... before baby": last lazy Saturday morning reading the paper for 2 hours, last dinner with friends making as much noise as late as we wanted, last date-night planning without worrying about getting a babysitter (we have caring friends who gave us a gift certificate to a great restaurant to be used before we leave! :o), last time we leave the dishwasher open to air-dry the dishes...

Can't wait to discover all those "Firsts" we'll start to experience in a few days!!!

I've been so busy the last few weeks that I can't imagine how we would have made it if the TA's had come early enough for us to leave on September 14. We would have made it, I know, but the stress level would probably have been up the roof, and we would have left exhausted. Now, all the big stuff is done and taken care of, and we basically just have to get a few more things for the baby, update the iPods, and pack our own stuff. Hey, I might even enjoy a bit of real vacation during this vacation week!

Oh, and we finished Yummy's room! Let's just hope she'll sleep in it... ;o)

For my confused, non-canadian readers

2007-09-28T21:49:00.000-07:00

For those of you adopting from China: Canadians finalize the adoption in Beijing, simply because that's where our embassy is! The process is pretty much the same as what Americans have to do, with the medical exam and the waiting for the visa. We just never go to Guangzhou, unless that's where the orphanage is.

Off!

2007-09-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

After a 40 hour-week crammed in 3 and a half days, my vacation started this morning! I'm finally off! Yay!!! No need to be back at work for a year! I love my job, but I have the most difficult boss ever...

I'm not kidding... She decided to evaluate me without my knowledge and on my last day of work, put the report on my desk 10 minutes after I gave her my list of goals (the ones she had first chosen for me were to be done around March 2008: helloooo? I'll be gone!!!) and created events and dates that were just about all false and wrong to put me into, let's say, a less than flattering light... If I needed any other reason to look forward to leaving, I got it big time!

Still, I was in a great mood when we finally got home at around 8PM, and celebrated with more than my share of wine... oh, the headache this morning... Happy headache, despite a 13 hour night sleep (the last one for the next 20 years, I bet...) but where are those Advil?...

So, off to a week-end of celebrations: my birthday is Monday! Dinners every night until then, and mucho wine on the program before our "flight labor" starts next Friday!

OMG, WE'RE FINALLY HAVING A BABY!!!

******************************************

On another note, I want to say hi to all those readers from all over the world: cool!
I just noticed a bunch of new little red dots on the map on the right side of this blog: hello friends!

"Ze" Plan

2007-09-25T05:00:00.000-07:00

So, we had our pre-travel meeting at the agency last night, and FINALLY got to meet our group. It still baffles me how we all waited for almost 2 years, didn't know one another and couldn't find out who we all were because the agency kept it confidential... Some couple had already met, but apart from a few blogging encounters and a quick "hi" to some when we went to get the pictures, we had not really spoken with anyone before last night.

There are 13 couples in our group, and for all but one family, this is their first adoption. As far as I know, everybody is francophone or speaks French fluently. Everybody is travelling in couples, and one family is getting a boy. All the babies are born between October and December 2006, so it would be hard to find a more homogenous group!

I'm not a "group" person to begin with (even though our "honeymoon" was on a ski trip to Switzerland with 40 other people, but that's another story...;o), and I must say, I was pretty curious to find out who we would be travelling with. Well, I couldn't have hoped for more: the energy was very good, lots of smiles, everyone seemed pretty prepared, the questions were all good, and the people we got to talk to were absolutely lovely. We might be homogenous, but we're not boring: we already have someone in charge of getting the beer! :o)

Funny comment of the night: someone asked if they had a "Canadiantown" in Beijing, the same way we have a Chinatown in Montreal...

There is some bad and some good about travelling with a big group. The bad is pretty obvious, but I think the good outweights it: huge support system, the "blending in" of different characters, less pressure in doing everything together because if a few couples are missing for a meal, who's going to notice?... A smaller group might be expected to do everything together, so just knowing that we'll have a bit more freedom feels great. And everyone is bound to find friends!

We got our itinerary:

Oct. 5th: Fly Mtl-Toronto-Beijing, then spend over 5 hours at the Beijing airport before flying to Nanchang. Crash into bed on Oct. 6th at around midnight...
Oct. 7th: "Rest day" (ha ha ha!)
Oct. 8th: THE BABIES!!! Right on Canadian Thanksgiving! :o) (Unless we get them on the 7th, which is still a possibility...)
Oct. 9th-10th-11th: nothing planned yet, hubby's birthday on the 11th!
Oct. 12th: get the babies' chinese passports.
Oct. 13th: fly back to Beijing.
Oct. 14th: visit to The Great Wall.
Oct. 15th: request visas from embassy and doctor's visit.
Oct. 16th: visit of Tian'An Men Square and Forbidden City.
Oct. 17th: visit of Summer Palace.
Oct. 18th: get the visas and spend our last yuans...
Oct. 19th: fly back home, arrival at around 9h15 at night!

I guess all there is left to do now is to learn Mandarin! :o)))

Babyproofing = mess

2007-09-23T14:01:00.000-07:00

This babyproofing thing, isn't it just about moving piles from room to room??? It looks like we've been living in a mess for weeks now, with all the preparation and the domino effect of turning a guest room into a baby room, a work station into a guest room, a shelf in the entrance walk-in into a wine cellar (wine racks and babies = disaster...) and a corner of the living room into a play space. There's always something left to put somewhere!!! Oh, the joys of living in a 1100 square feet condo... But somehow, I have a feeling that if we had a bigger house, we would just have more stuff, and the puzzle would be similar, only bigger. Or maybe not...

Anyhow, I guess it's a good "mess training" for when our baby will actually be here!

So, sharp corners have been removed from the living room, the dining room carpet is gone, anything breakable has been relocated at least 3 feet above the floor, and power outlet plugs are on the way. I'm also pretty much done with Yummy's suitcase, and even packed the Cheerios today. S is taking care of all the paperwork, so all we have left to do really is filling up our own suitcase and we're good to go! We have our pre-travel meeting tomorrow night, when we will meet the rest of our group and get the last details and instructions. And sign a big check for the hotels, the in-country flights, the guide, the transportation, etc...

OK. We're ready. Can we go now?

2007-09-19T19:12:00.000-07:00

We just watched a TV show about international adoption: good thing they didn't present it 6 months ago: the wait would have been even more excruciating!

An adoptive mom was saying how, between referral and travel, she kept thinking about her daughter, wondering if she was cold, if she was hungry, worrying about her. In my case, I've kind of naturally decided to trust that someone is taking care of Yummy right now, doing the best they can, and that she is fine. Could be denial, I don't know. I tend to think of it as survival... At the same time, there is a certainty to the whole adventure, a trust that things will fall into place, that she is our daughter, that she is absolutely perfect for us, and that we will meet her very soon. And that definitely helps with this last wait, with the stress of finishing everything at work, with all those changes happening right now in our lives, and those even bigger ones soon to happen.

And if I let go of this zen-like approach, I'll probably stop breathing or have a stroke or something, which would not be A Good Thing, so zen it is. For now.

****************

On a more pragmatic note, we got our flight info today: they have booked us separately, on the extremity seats of the middle aisle, betting on the fact that the middle seat(s) might be empty, thus insuring us more space. The flight there is pretty full, but there are still over 100 open seats for the way back, so things might not end up being too bad after all!

Still, I've been drooling over the business class "suites" of the plane taking us to Beijing. Oh, how I wish we could afford the 5000$ per seat for those!!! Too bad we would have to sell the house first...

Instead, we'll be at the very back, where they don't even bother to say "chicken or beef" anymore when they get to you and just put the leftovers on your tray... I'm packing snacks!!!

A little more real!

2007-09-13T06:13:00.000-07:00

So, we will be flying on Oct. 5th, Montreal-Toronto-Beijing. From Beijing, we'll take another flight to Nanchang, and will be staying here for a week. Pretty sweet!

In theory, we'll have a rest day on Sunday then get the babies on Monday, although that could still be changed for Sunday. And we might only know it when we get there... That diaper bag will be ready before we leave Montreal!

All of a sudden, Thanksgiving is taking a whole new meaning...

On Oct. 13th, we will fly back to Beijing and stay here: a bit out of the way, but it looks pretty good to me: a few steps up from camping in the rain!

On Oct. 19th, we fly back: Beijing-Toronto-Montreal.
See you in the evening! :o)))

A little unreal

2007-09-11T18:19:00.000-07:00

So, we leave in a few weeks.

To China.
To meet our baby girl.
And to bring her back.

And as I type this, the whole deal still doesn’t feel real. Despite the endless piles of paperwork, despite the wait, despite the months of frustration, despite the pure joy and elation of the last few weeks, it’s hard to wrap my mind around the fact that a baby will be handed to us and that will be it : bam! Instant family! Go back to your hotel room and start bonding.

Obviously, the mess in the house, the piles of baby stuff, the pink and green room, the basket of toys in the living room, the newly organized plastic dishes and cutlery in the kitchen, the overused credit card, the general mess we’ve been living in for the last few weeks are apparently not enough to make it feel real…

What do I need? A big tummy and a few stretch marks???

Still, I can’t wait! Can’t wait to meet her and to get to know her. Can’t wait to care for her, to hold her, to feed her, to play with her to rock her to sleep. Can’t wait to show her the world, and everything that she can be. Can’t wait to shake that balance we’ve created in the last few years, and learn new things about me and about us.

Can’t wait to see « us two » become « us three ».

28 days

2007-09-10T18:31:00.000-07:00

TA's have finally arrived, and we will be travelling in October, leaving on the 5th and coming back on the 19th in the evening. Details to be worked out tomorrow...

So in 28 days, it's Canadian Thanksgiving.

In 28 days, I'll be a mom. YAY!!!

In 28 days, our lives will change forever, will become fuller, and richer (in love, not in money. That's an entirely different story...). YAY!!!

In 28 days, we'll have the best day of our lives. YAY!!!

In 28 days, a very sweet, very cute little girl will enter our lives, and be stuck with us for a very long time. Yay?...

(Ask her in about 14 years.)

So...

28 days.

4 weeks.

672 hours.

OMG...

What have we done?!?!?

Emotional shopping

2007-09-06T05:36:00.000-07:00

It seems like "some" don't believe that I went to North Conway last week-end and only bought a t-shirt and a magazine. I did!!! Hey, my name is in that magazine: I participated to the telemark ski tests last March at Jay Peak, and they put 2 of my comments in the reviews. Yay!

I refrained myself from spending the rest of my child's inheritance, knowing that I was probably going to buy a new toy this week.

And I did.

Apple came out with a whole new line of iPods yesterday.
Mine is in the mail! :o)))

(My good old Mini died last month...)

Now, what TV series should we get for the trip to China? Any suggestions?
We've already covered 24, Lost and Grey's Anatomy...

The "last" week-end

2007-09-04T18:47:00.000-07:00

So, with the still missing TA's, was it really the "last" week-end of camping with two? Fortunately or not, we still don't know. So this was probably our 27th "last" trip of some sort "before baby"!

The whole thing started on a bad note, as the first-come-first-served campground we wanted to go to was full on Friday at 6PM! Now, with two, this wouldn't have been so bad. But some friends with two kids were to join us later that night, then another couple of friends were going to join us on Saturday night. And of course, everything else in a 100km radius was booked for the long week-end... We ended up meeting a really nice man who lent us his phone, then suggested a small campground a mile away. We got there to find out they had just given the last 2 sites away... A little bit of begging, a little bit of cajoling, and the owner let us check out his "overflow" section to see if we thought it was fine.

Fine? Yes, we thought we could manage! He brought us a table and a fire ring, and we were set for a fantastic week-end! Gorgeous weather, fun friends, cool kids, a bit of shopping, a bit of hiking, a lot of drinking (hey, no one was driving: just had to walk the 10 feet back to the tents!).

We made plans to start training Yummy in tent-sleeping: we'll practice in the living room this winter.

Still nothing...

2007-09-04T09:29:00.001-07:00

Man, adoption is definitely not for sissies!!! Still nothing about the TA's, agency now thinks we won't be leaving until October... :o(((

Some people from other agencies who got their referral the same day we did are leaving this week! Unbelievable...

My boss didn't even have the decency to look disappointed this morning when I answered her question as if we had any news yet. She apparently took the "no, we still don't know" for a "you have me stuck here as your slave until October" and couldn't hide her beaming smile...

It sucks.

Jumping, scrubbing, shopping...

2007-08-30T09:46:00.000-07:00

OK, so remember the epidural post? Waiting for that picture got so painful by the end...

Now, waiting for the TA feels more like the last stages of a pregnancy, when you can't stand the big belly anymore (not that I've ever tried it, but I've heard!). At least, a pregnant woman can jump up and down, go shopping for a whole day, scrub her floor, etc... Hey, they even have shots to speed things up!

The one jumping up and down in the house is S, claiming every single night (and some mornings, when he's awake enough...) that we're going to China, that he's ready to go, that he's ready for that baby, etc. A lot of fun to watch, but not too effective: still no TA.

We changed the floor a few weeks ago, so no need to scrub it yet. All we have left is shopping and shots. Can a shot of tequila count? The shopping will be taken care of this week-end in North Conway... ;o)

Our agency is apparently still hopeful to be able to get us on a plane by Sept. 14th, as long as the TA's arrive by next Tuesday. I have a feeling that the reason they are so hopeful it will work is not because they want us to meet our babies as soons as possible, but because they must be getting tired of the constant phone calls from antsy, impatient, TA-waiting parents!

In the meantime, I'm still here at work in that building just north of The Bay. You know the one they thought might collapse last week, with that big crack that appeared and closed downtown Montreal at rush hour on a Friday afternoon? The one with the pieces falling off from? Just below my office window?...

If you walk by, please don't lean on the building.

Men! Part two...

2007-08-26T19:41:00.000-07:00

Heard while preparing dinner...

S:
-So, did you pack ear plugs?
Me:
-No. Why?
S:
-Well, so that when she cries at night, we can still sleep.
Me:
-???

(But, to his credit, my man, the love of my life, added that we could take turns wearing them... Isn't he great? :o)

My brain has left the building.

2007-08-23T04:51:00.000-07:00

Just as I was recovering a few brain cells this week, connecting neurons again and finally being able to get some meaningful work done, what do we hear? TA's have started to arrive!!!

My body is here, my heart is in Zhangshu, and my brain is thinking of plane tickets... Do I dare let myself dream of a departure in 3 weeks???

Men!

2007-08-22T04:08:00.001-07:00

Upon seeing the packing picture last night, S commented:

-What? We have that much stuff???

Yes, sweetheart, man of my life.
I guess you haven't looked at your credit card statement lately... or taken a look at the upstair's room!

(And by the way, NOT EVERYTHING is coming to China!!!)

Filling a space, not a hole

2007-08-21T18:21:00.000-07:00

As I was watching a movie tonight -with my eyes often wandering up to Yummy's picture- I started thinking (my brain might be coming back! yay!)... I was wondering why I'm not a total wreck yet, why I'm not worrying about the TA's arriving, not worrying about leaving for China on September 14th or on October 5th (as there is a national holiday and it will be one or the other). I was thinking about the boards on RQ, and all the people who are next and how hard those last few weeks of waiting are. Don't get me wrong: I hated those last weeks! But The Wait, as long as it was, was never really too painful, except maybe for that awful 2-day referral batch a few months ago. And I started to wonder why I wasn't more impatient, why the craving for my baby was still such a soft and tender feeling.

The answer came pretty quickly: it's because Yummy will come and fulfill a space we made for her in our lives, not a hole. I've always wanted children, but also I've always known that I didn't "need" one. Over the years, and after being single for so long, I've learned to take care of my own needs. Then, I've learned to take care of mine and somebody else's. And together, we quickly decided that we wanted to add to our equation. At 41, I've spent more than enough time on myself, and I'm now ready to shift my focus towards the cutest baby ever. So even though I absolutely can't wait to board that plane, and ever more to land in Nanchang, even though I've started packing, this part of The Wait is not at all unpleasant. I still delight in looking at her picture, in staring at her eyes, in knowing that yes, it's her.

And I also know that by next week, that zen-like state might be completely shattered and I'll be moaning for my TA to arrive... Bring it on! The packing has begun! :o)

In awe...

2007-08-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, I met with a very special mom who gave me a stroller that her (absolutely gorgeous) daughters didn't need anymore. It was one of those encounters that stay with you for a long long time...

I knew from the beginning that this adoption adventure would definitely be the path less travelled. I knew this whole process would bring a child into our lives. I could have never guessed that it would bring me so much more than that, I didn't know was how amazingly special the people I would meet on that path would be. I am in absolute awe about all the adoptive parents I've talked to, written to, met and, for some, had lots of wine with... I'm in awe of their generosity, of their kindness, of their support, of how caring and helpful and open they have been. Just in awe...

I mean, adoption is a pretty intimate thing to discuss, especially the reasons leading up to it. And yet, last Friday afternoon, it was so easy to talk about it all with someone who a half hour before was still a stranger... It was safe, it was recognized, it was accepted for what it is. Connections like that one have happened quite a few times since we started the process, and I have received them as priceless gifts.

Like just about any adoptive parent from China, I've read about the red thread legend. I don't really believe in it, I think it's much more that a thread: it's a whole big pile of red wool!

To all of you who have written, who I have met, who have shared and received and given and offered time, help, support and goodies: thank you! You all have made a big difference in my life, and hopefully helped me become a better person myself. Please take this personally, because that's exactly how I mean it.

(And D, your daughters are lucky too! ;o)

Don't try this at home

2007-08-16T17:55:00.001-07:00

You might miss out the TV shows.

(For those who have been there and done it, does your brain ever come come back??? 'cause mine is quite mush right now...)

(And I'm not sure I want it back!)

:o)

Coming back to reality... what reality???

2007-08-15T15:51:00.000-07:00

Well, we had a great week-end on Cloud Nine and in Maine. It's amazing how 3 small pictures can change your life so completely...

Besides the pictures, we also got her medical and developmental report. It was all done last April. The OT in me was quite happy to see that at 4 months, she was playing with a rattle, loved going outside in her nanny's arms, and was already afraid of strangers: good, it means she has attached to someone! Also, she was 3.5 kg at birth, and 6 kg on the pictures, which put her on the 50th percentile for chinese baby girls. Height was 25th percentile, and head circumference was 90th, so it all looks good so far!

We couldn't quite figure out if she is at the orphanage or in foster care, because the report talks about her nanny and her foster mother. It could be something that was lost in the translation. I guess we'll find out when we get her.

So, since Friday at 3PM, my brain has basically been invaded by a very soft, very sweet pink fog that just won't go away. Hence the lack of blogging in the last few days, because all I could think about was:

-I'm a mom!
-She's so cute!
-She'll have a great dad... :o)
-Finally!
-How did we get so lucky?
-She's gorgeous!
-Yes, this is her.
-I'm a mom...
-When do we get her again?
-What do you mean, more paperwork?...
-She is definitely the cutest, no contest here.
-Oh my God, I'm a mom!!!
-Where is she? I haven't seen her in 10 minutes!
-We're going to China!
-Should start packing...
-My baby!!!!!
-How much has she grown?
-She is just too cute!

Yadayadayada, etc, etc, etc...

I'm sure it gets boring if you're not me.

Soooooo... Can't work, can't think, can't really function with any efficiency whatsoever. It's taking me a huge amount of energy to work for 15 minutes straight, and it's not because of lack of things to do. I have a million things to finish before I leave, but all of a sudden, nothing but my baby seems important anymore. My job has always been so important to me, such a big part of my life, but now, I just want to go and get that baby and bring her back and give her time and love and care and support and whatever else she might need to grow up as a healthy child and adult who can change things for the better.

Funny how your whole sense of reality, and of what really matters, can change so quickly, even if you have been waiting for so long...

OK, off to look at some pictures! :o)))

Introducing...

2007-08-10T08:06:00.000-07:00

Yummy Goodness!!!

No time for a big rambling about how extatic, overjoyed, thrilled, excited, and in love we are: we're off to celebrate with a camping week-end by the ocean!

Details next week...

Ta-Tah!

Stay tuned! :o)

2007-08-10T07:35:00.000-07:00

Just got a call: the file and pictures will be ready at 3PM!!! Wou-hooouuuu!!!

(Guess who will be lining up at the door at 2h45?...)

We might have time to scan the pictures before leaving for a week-end at the ocean.

Stay tuned!

Still no news...

2007-08-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

Need I say more?...

Epidural

2007-08-08T16:39:00.001-07:00

Relax.

There's a half bottle left.

Anybody wants some?

Expecting

2007-08-08T12:33:00.001-07:00

Well, somebody is taking their sweet time reviewing the babies' files!!!

Still no news, still waiting.

Eating choclate to numb the pain.

One more hour until the agency closes.

The liquor store closes later...

Where's my epidural?

Not expecting

2007-08-07T05:07:00.000-07:00

No...

We are not expecting pictures today.
Nope. Nada. Niet. Wú. Nein.

Just like we were not expecting our referral last Thursday.
Nope. Nada. Niet. Wú. Nein.

...

OK, this isn't funny anymore.

...

I want to see my baby!!!

Macgyver's Mom

2007-08-05T17:29:00.000-07:00

So, what are you supposed to do when you're waiting for your child's picture, once the champagne bottle is empty? You get your husband to replace the dining room carpet and kitchen floor with brand new flooring! Because, in a rare moment of extreme enlightenment, you both realized that carpet and baby food are not such a good mix. And since we are now getting an actual baby, it was time to put these 18 boxes of flooring we hauled up 3 floors a few weeks ago to good use!

We got two nice breaks (well, S did: I was just washing baby clothes...). On Saturday night, we went to the Bell Center, to the Ste-Justine's pediatric hospital "end of fund-raising" private show, for patients and employees. Celine Dion (fund-raiser's spokeperson) and Cirque du Soleil were performing, along with a bunch of other people. I don't normally cry at shows, I don't cry at all for Celine Dion, but I must admit, with all the children's references, with Celine's performance, with Bai Xiang on my mind ALL THE TIME, it was all I had not to start bawling my eyes out a few times... Great show, great performances! And a really fun ending when, after everything was over, they threw about 50 giant beach balls that bounced all over the crowd for the kids to take home.

On Sunday, Mortimer's Mom invited us over for BB's birthday party. We got to meet some very, very nice people, and BB recognized me, which was MY gift for the day! :o)

As we were about to leave, the door to the backyard came off its hinge. Or rather, the hinge came off the beam supporting it. Now, this is a big door, about 6 feet tall. Before the door touched the ground, Mortimer's Mom got the drill and some new screws, flipped the door upside down, and put it back on the other side!!! I counted one man holding the door and 4-5 watching...

Just like I said: Macgyver's Mom! I tried to get her to come home with us and help with the floor, but you know, with the (amazingly cute and bright and charming) kids and all...

OK, I'm ready for my baby's pictures now.

The sweetest day...

2007-08-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

Whew! What a day yesterday was! It started kind of slow rumour-wise, and then everything started happening at light speed! First, a Spanish agency posted that referrals had gone through to Nov. 21st, and were congratulating families. They wouldn't lie to their clients, would they??? That meant we would get our referral too! Soon after, we got the confirmation that we would indeed get it. But we also had the information that our agency was more likely to call on Monday, so we were prepared for a very looooooooong week-end.

Then my cell phone rang...

Her name is Zhang Bai Xiang, and she's 7 months old!
We were hoping for a young baby, but THAT was a surprise! She was born Dec. 24th, 2006, and is from Jiangxi. We are getting the pictures and file sometime late next week. Agency's policy... :o(

After lots of tears and hugs and phone calls to friends and family, we came back home, popped open the champagne, and made more calls!

I'm still trying to name all the emotions of the day... Excitement, joy, happiness, love, thankfulness, relief, surprise, tenderness, peacefulness, and quite a few more that I haven't found names for yet... I'll let you know when I do...

I woke up way too early (let's call it jet-lag training...), with the sweetest, most tender joy and happiness ever. I just stayed in bed, and let the emotions flow. What a high...

Mom

2007-08-02T13:47:00.000-07:00

Yup!

Details to follow...

:o)

OMG! This is it!!!

2007-08-02T10:02:00.001-07:00

From all the rumours going on, even without an official confirmation, it looks like we'll be getting our referral in the next few days!

I can't believe it... And I can't even begin to list all the emotions right now! I'll try when I get myself together again...

What a ride!!!

Breathing...

2007-08-01T07:34:00.001-07:00

... barely...

From RQ:

A European agency is saying that the cut off is the 21st and that they have been mailed.
I may change my mind later today, but for now I’m giving this one an R3½.

Breathe in... breathe out... breath in... breath out... pant a bit... yeah, that's it!

And I'm supposed to work??? Who has ever worked through labor?!?!?

Denzel saves the day

2007-07-28T05:38:00.000-07:00

A friend once told me that once you have children, you never sleep as peacefully anymore, always worrying about them, about their well being, about you, about your parenting skills (or lack of said skills...;o), and about a million other things that I can't yet imagine. Even though years ago I decided that fear would not be a part of my life, deep down, I know she was right and some of it will come back the minute we get our referral: is she fine right now? Is there someone to hold her when she cries? when she's afraid? when she hurts?... Does she get enough to eat? Has she seen the sun? Does she ever get to leave her crib and play?...

It just hit me (20 months later... yeah, I'm a bit slow...) that we might be down to our very last peaceful evenings without worries, without feeling responsible for another human being, without beeing interrupted every 2 seconds by something really cute or really stinky. Might as well enjoy it!

So last night, we ordered the monthly sushi feast, opened the wine, and spent the evening with Denzel. Remember how I said that I couldn't think of anything but the next batch of referrals? Well, Denzel saved the day!

Fun movie, with a story line twisted enough to take your mind off from anything that's been invading it! And he does look good in it. Yup, he does.

Thank you Denzel. And I'm really really sorry about that brief moment when my mind wandered just a tiny bit, and for that oh so brief moment, you had pigtails with pink ribbons. Not very manly, I know...

Which will it be?

2007-07-27T14:39:00.000-07:00

So, there isn't much I can talk about these days (or think about, so no one is missing out on anything) but the upcoming batch of referrals. It's like life is on hold, not knowing if we'll make the cut-off or not.

Today's rumour has it that a package might be on the way. With all the disappointments of the last several months, we'll see about that...

One thing is for sure, in the near future, there will be an evening when much will be consumed. The question is when, and will it be scotch or champagne?...

I'm off to the liquor store.

stoooopid...

2007-07-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

I've never been a big fan of roller coasters. I have a distant memory of slowly going up and feeling my heart explode going down at Mach 10.
So why, oh why did I decide to board and start a countdown to referrals this month?

Just as I said.

Stoooopid.

The perfect guest and a quiet breath

2007-07-23T07:20:00.001-07:00

Just had one of those perfect summer week-ends, with perfect temperature, perfect wine, perfect food, and the perfect guest...

Thanks M for a great visit, lots of fun, lots of laughs, all the thoughtful gestures and telling me over and over how fabulous I was! You absolutely and divinely did live up to all the hype! :o)))

So, we're about 2 weeks away from either an unbelievable joy, that I still can barely imagine, or a horrible let-down if we learn that we have to wait yet another month... in which case we'll surely bust our wine budget. Either way, there will be tears involved. The only question left then is, will there be champagne with those tears?... or a stiff glass of scotch?...

Life is still happening, but I feel like I'm sitting in an old rocking chair, in an old house, with just the sound of an old clock ticking oh so slowly, second by endless second. I see the world out the window, but I can't hear it. I'm busy trying to breathe very, very softly, because the only other alternative is to hold my breath, and 2 weeks is just too long a time to do that. And I'm crossing my fingers and my toes and even my eyes in case that could be of any help, hoping they refer at least another 7 days...

OK, time to hear some news, I'm getting cramps here.

Surreal pink

2007-07-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

I'm organizing baby clothes, baby toys, baby books, baby stuff and baby gear in the baby room. Still, surrounded by pink and tiny socks, it's so hard to realize that all this is about to get some good use, that I'm not babysitting at someone else's house, that soon some small precious soul will be making a great big mess out of all my neurotic organisation.

Can't wait.

OK... cough cough... Let's start this...

2007-07-17T10:03:00.000-07:00

Well, finally, after reading some amazing blogs from some amazing women for months and months, I took a deep breath and started to write. Oh boy, so intimidating!

Why Red?

Because of my hair.
Because of China.
Because I blush so easily.
Because it's fun.
Because of my favorite wine.
Because I had to find a name, and it's the first one that came to mind.

In a few days, we will have been waiting for 20 months after submitting our dossier to China. TWENTY MONTHS!!! And I know that still, we'll be luckier than those who come after us, because The Wait keeps increasing and increasing every month. Oh, The Wait... I still remember that phone call from our sponsor, a lifetime ago, confirming our LID date: the wait back then was 9 months, and he told me that things didn't look so good, and it might go up to a year. I thought to myself that I could take a year, but no more than that! Well, here we are, almost 2 years later, and still no baby...

But we might be next: they only have to cover 7 days of LID's to make it to us! And I'm allowing myself to get excited this month, because I don't want to miss out on a whole month of excitement and anticipation, a whole month of permanent happy high with the knowledge that it's finally our turn, that this whole adventure is actually quite real and just about to begin. And if we don't make the cut-off this time? I'll cry for a day, drink some good wine, and then I'll get excited again, because we'll be next for sure!

So I want to go back to those blogs I mentionned at the beginning...

During The Wait, googling "china adoption" over and over again, I discovered a whole world I didn't know about: blogging moms, and blogging adoptive moms! The honesty, the generosity, the humor, the support I discovered just blew my mind, and held me together when I tought that it would never happen. I've learned so much from these women, most of whom I don't know. If, by writing myself, I can give back just a tiny fraction of all I gained, I'll be a happy blogger! :o)